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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Feb 24, 2012 14:18:45 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88740.7
At Counselor Verrick's recommendation, I have decides to compose my thoughts in this format so that I might be better rehabilitated. He suggested that if I take the time to put things into words and think them over, perhaps the realizations I am able to come to when given time to think will better function when I need them instead of later. It would likely improve my chances of being stationed long term on any one ship, and even without composing my thoughts, I can see how that would be beneficial.
I have received word that I am being reassigned to the U.S.S. Adagio; I consider this to be good news as it has been over a month since Captain Tyson had me reassigned to Earth Space Dock from the U.S.S. Langley. Although it is still an important job, I have found that many of the regulations regarding behavior of officers are kept too lax as Lt. Commander Harris has frequently given only verbal warnings to personnel who are brought in for disorderly conduct simply because they are on leave. These regulations may not be as important as those pertaining to access to restricted area, the possession of illegal materials, and distributing classified information, but they are rules. He has told me to try to use my judgement, but he still seems to think me too strict even after I have modified my actions. I used to be better at this.
I will prefer it on an active duty Starship; not only will regulations be held to a stricter standard, but I will be accomplishing much more. I have heard that the Adagio and her crew have been instrumental in actions that helped preserved the safety of the citizens of the Federation, and that is why I joined Starfleet in the first place. Counselor Verrick has told me that perhaps the crew will be better able to deal with me because one of their officers was also recovered from assimilation. It will be nice if that it true, because on consideration, I am certain Captain Tyson always looked at me as though he expected me to shout "Resistance is futile" at any moment. I do not miss that.
Tomorrow I will report for my new assignment, and I have been given the last few days to prepare for the transfer. I do not have a lot of things to pack, and I did not make any new friends here, so I have spent most of this time trying to prepare myself to make a good impression. Captain Zh'Kor is from Andoria, so I have been studying up on my Andorian; I have not used it too much in the past few years, so I don't want to accidentally imply that her parentage only included three.
There is only so much studying you can do, after this I will take the opportunity to visit the Holodecks one last time to get in a good game against the Red Wings. Log ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Feb 25, 2012 3:20:04 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88742.12
It has been a more eventful day today than any previous day of the past month and I only just reported to my assignment on the Adagio.
There was an incident on Earth Spacedock where the Tribbles that the station operators have been attempting to evict were affected by an unusual band of radiation put off by the comet that passed by last week and mutated to become carnivorous predators. One of the Adagio's crewmen on shore leave was attacked, Crewman Stevens, and the young woman he was with was injured. While investigating, one of the station's security officers, Crewman Carter, was attacked when one of the Tribbles charged from the vents and attacked him. He did not survive the wound.
When more of them began to rush out of the vents en masse, we retreated, closed down the section and prepared a defensive line to hold them back. Petty Officer Creed had the idea to flood the section with toxic gas. It was an excellent plan of action that prevented the possibility of any further security officers being harmed or any of the Tribbles from escaping through the defensive line. The gas did not entirely have the desired effect as some Tribbles remained active, and I have determined that there need to be more drills for combat in environment suits as even my aim was negatively affected to the point where I nearly shot Lieutenant Aidan Conroy. I do not want to have friendly fire be the cause of any injuries on the ship simply because any of my security officers are not used to functioning in a bulky suit.
That brings me to the more personally important news, although I wonder if I should hold some guilt over thinking of it like that after two lives were lost; I spoke with the Executive Officer of the U.S.S. Adagio, Commander John Binet and I have been assigned the position of Chief of Security for the Adagio and because of my previous experience I am also being made Leader of the Delta Task Force. I am rather pleased with this placement and hope that I am able to live up to all of the expectations that are placed on me.
The meeting was somewhat unusual, in my experience since returning to Starfleet; he is perhaps the first superior officer to not even consider the possibility that I would betray the ship and its crew. In fact, he told me he would hold his trust in me unless I proved it misplaced. I was not expecting that at all, and I will be honest, I felt happy.
But this does bring me back to my problems because he stated that his real concern was that I have some sort of... emotional support to fall back on should I be negatively affected when we ultimately encounter the Borg again. In my time since returning to Starfleet, I cannot honestly say that I have managed to achieve any real friendships, and I certainly cannot be expected to fall back on those I knew before.
I am positive that I can keep up with all of the standard tasks being assigned to me, so I have given myself the task of working as hard as possible to build positive relationships with the crew of the Adagio. The Commander said that this ship is like a family, and he also confirmed the reports that Commander Arnimane is viewed positively by the crew as a whole, so I'm hopeful that I can do this.
With every other crew, it's felt like I was tolerated, if only barely, but here maybe I will be... accepted.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Feb 26, 2012 11:43:44 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88745.22
If these first two days are assigned to the Adagio are any indication, my time aboard this ship will be anything but dull. Given the tragedies and dangers that accompany this excitement, it feels somewhat wrong to say it, but... I cannot deny that a part of me enjoys it. I joined Starfleet to help people, to protect them, and with everything being so eventful, there is no doubt that I will be making a more immediate difference, but is it wrong to take a measure of joy from moments of others suffering, or is it mitigated by the fact that the joy only comes from protecting them?
I will not let these concerns prevent me from accomplishing my duties, though. The Captain has tasked us with an important mission: we are to rescue Commander Arnimane from her abductors who have some major connection to an Undine plot that is a clear threat to the Federation. The Captain has broken a number of regulations and disobeyed orders to accomplish this task, but her actions fall within General Orders 25 and 31, and my reports to Starfleet will say as much.
I have been tasked with preparing the away team that will be sent to recover Commander Arnimane and Petty Officer Creed was assigned to assist me in the plans. He is somewhat unorthodox in his approach and I actually appreciate that. I am hopeful that his creative way of thinking will more than balance out his somewhat lacking decorum, so I have decided to give him some leeway for the time being.
We are currently delayed in this operation as the ship prepares to enter Fluidic Space and Alpha watch has been relieved by Beta while the preparations are on-going, so I decided to spend some time in the lounge. I was approached by Lieutenant Williams... D., and she was rather congenial. She is having some personal problems with another member of the crew, but I'm afraid I couldn't think of the right thing to say to improve her disposition, but she was pleasant none the less.
While we were conversing, Ada appeared, somewhat worried about her mother. Apparently she is some sort of AI, although she was not entirely pleased with that description. Perhaps 'Digital Lifeform' would be more appropriate. During the conversation, some of my Borg implants began receiving signals from the Adagio and I became concerned. I spoke with the Captain about this, but she seemed... comforting and suggested that I view it as a potential advantage even after I informed her of the potential ramifications. I decided to take her advice and with her approval I have made attempts to attune myself to the... Adagio 'collective' in the hopes that it will be of some use when I'm sent out on the mission to recover the Commander.
More personally, in two days I have already felt more at home on this ship than I did on any of my previous stations. Both the XO and the Captain have spoken with me and assured me that to them I am simply another Starfleet officer and not just someone who was once part of the Borg Collective. I don't really know how to react to all of this. I've been told that this ship is a family and I haven't truly felt part of a family since before I was assimilated. I am certain some people would be surprised that I did not think of the Collective as a family while part of it, but family is an emotional bond. The Collective was about nothing more than duty, but a family is...
I wish I knew how to put those thoughts into words.
Log Ends
OOC Note: Anyone reading my logs, thanks for putting up wit Anja's wordiness. I hope you're enjoying them at least a little bit, but they're definitely mostly designed to help me as a player work out my character, although I do hope they're interesting to read.
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Mar 2, 2012 16:58:49 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88756.31
I am beginning to wonder if I am capable of fulfilling all of the requirements placed upon me for this new assignment. The current situation is, of course, an extraordinary one, but even ignoring that, how am I supposed to be able to focus on both maintaining a secure, orderly ship and also apply myself to improving my ability to socialize?
In a matter of hours, I saw how difficult it can be to balance the two. I had a valuable conversation with Doctor Jaril in the lounge. She chastised me for spending too much time focusing on my duties, and while I am not entirely sure I agree with her opinions, it is... helpful to gain differing viewpoints on one's behavior. I just can't find relaxation relaxing, there are too many things to do and in my position, people's lives depend on me being able to complete those duties to the absolute best of my ability. I am making a note that I will lessen my workload somewhat after the current mission is complete, provided the state of security on this ship does not worsen.
The second incident is what leads me to believe that I may not be able to balance social connections with duty; Lt. Williams, it could be said, "opened a can of worms." I was off-duty and attempting to continue the experiments with Ada when I received a message that I was needed to look into and incident involving an individual that could only be Lt. Williams from the description and the unlawful discharge of an improperly stowed weapon. Both Lt. Williams and Lt. Conroy, who I had a pleasant conversation with the other night, provided me with false or misleading information and attempted to dissuade me from my duty. Were it not for the Captain's request to give concern only to locating and seizing the weapon in question, I would have likely thrown both of them in the brig.
They are Starfleet officers, why would they disgrace their oaths and this ship by acting in a manner befitting their station. They're officers, not just crewmen, and we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard. The only positives of this whole event were that I discovered an even more flagrant violation of the regulations and that the only damages were to the cooking area.
I don't think I've felt this tense, simmering anger in my chest this strongly since before I was assimilated. It's as if Williams and Conroy stabbed me in the back. The Captain and the Commander put their trust in me, believed that I could handle all of the obligations of this job, and two fellow officers, two people I was hoping I might someday be able to call friends, don't even know how to show respect for the regulations, let alone me.
I will... need to think about all of this.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Mar 4, 2012 19:46:57 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88759.75
The whole ship is on edge now, and the fact that every time we almost reach our objective, we find some other sort of set back is not helping the matter. Even I must admit privately that I am beginning to feel impatience.
Hopefully this time it is only a few hours more, but we have entered fluidic space and the entire ship nearly fell apart under a single attack that did practically no physical damage. Some sort of mental blast struck us and 70% of the crew temporarily lost their minds to an overwhelming sense of fear, or so I am given to understand. I was not one of the ones affected and... there is a part of me that wonders if it is because I am so damaged. It is perhaps simple luck, because Commander Binet, Lt. Rater, and Lt. Misaki were also unaffected, and as far as I can tell, all of them are within standard deviations for normal mental function.
My concerns over what exists of my humanity do not even warrant a position of secondary importance, though, far more important is the fact that this event has shaken the entire crew. Morale was not doing especially well even before the event, but being overwhelmed by fear has caused some harm, and given the dramatic incidents it caused, others are probably overwhelmed by guilt over their actions. There is, of course, no point to feeling guilty for actions you had no control over, but my talks have suggested that most people confuse the appropriate response of regret with the more extreme guilt.
We were able to restore order, and I am proud that we were able to do so with no more serious injuries than a few broken bones and some minor burns, but more than most I can understand that not all injuries are physical. Lt. Williams in particular does not seem to have handled the current situation very well, although I am not entirely certain the primary cause of her increasingly erratic behavior isn't linked to the private conversation she had with the Captain, most likely in response to the incident in the lounge. The moment the entire ship is not in imminent danger, I believe I will give notice to my security teams that they should take a few more patrol routes passed Lt. Williams when she is off-duty.
I still feel hurt and angered by her and Lt. Conroy's behavior, but my personal feelings are no excuse for doing a substandard job, and I would feel responsible if D. brought harm to herself or others in a moment of weakness.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Mar 13, 2012 18:00:31 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88768.58
Our mission is finally complete and we have returned to normal space. The crew has received a number of casualties, but all should recover. I am glad I can say that we were successful in our mission, but I have been left with personal questions about my capabilities.
While we were searching, I suddenly began to receive distress signals from Commander Arnimane and we quickly found ourselves approaching her location, so I was relieved to join my away team. At the last moment, the Captain ordered Lt's Misaki and Williams as well as Doctor Jaril to join us. I was given almost no time to give them instruction, and none to run any simulations, but it is part of my duty to be prepared for eventualities, so I placed orders that they were to remain at the center of the squad.
Once we teleported over, we discovered that we would have been unprepared anyway, as it was near impossible to see without personal lights, but we continued with the mission until I began to receive Commander Arnimane's signal again. When we located her, she was in one of a collective of unusual pods, all of her limbs strewn about the place. After we retrieved our targets, along with a few other unknown captives, we suddenly found ourselves under fire and completely unable to locate the exact positions of our enemy. We were pinned down in a difficult position and despite all my planning, I could think of nothing to get us out of that position.
Chief Hicks and Lt. Misaki were both injured as we tried to find some method of fighting back successfully, and I am not certain there was anything I could have done to prevent this, but Lt. Williams kept insisting that in her rather small size (I still find her constant shifting appearance... not quite frustrating) that she might be able to avoid fire and get to a new position to assist us. Eventually I agreed and ordered suppressing fire, to no apparent effect as Lt. Williams took a hit to her leg. I, of course, had to rush out and collect her to pull her back to safety; it was my poor decision that resulted in her injury and I have enough training that I was able to successfully retrieve her.
It was utter chaos, and I cannot give enough praise to the Task Force for holding together as well as they did, and Dr. Jaril did amazing work under those conditions, even refusing to allow us to transport until Lt. Williams was stabilized. It is upsetting that I did not consider the dangers of allowing her to be transported before being properly stabilized, and her situation could have been much worse if Dr. Jaril did not have such a clear head.
We did get out of there, though, and it appears all injured parties will make full recoveries. If I had lost anyone on that mission due to my insufficient preparations, I would not blame the Captain for removing me from my position, but I cannot be certain she would have done so. Upon my return to the bridge, she congratulated me on my successful mission. Of course, the Adagio had it's own threats to deal with at the time, so I am fully expecting a reprimand once Captain Zh'kor gets an opportunity to read my report.
If I am allowed to continue in my current post, I will have to put in even more work to make certain that incidents such as this are avoided if at all possible.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Mar 16, 2012 18:04:50 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88787.09
We have stationed at Deep Space 9 for a few days as repairs of finished and engineering crews make certain we have located all the damage done to the Adagio during her time in Fluidic Space. I believe the stop may also have something to do with Starfleet Command making final decisions about whether or not our actions fall within the regulations. I am confident that they will determine this is the case.
Unfortunately, this means that much of the ship has had shore leave authorized, and Doctor Jaril insisted that I take some as well to take my mind off my work. There is a lot of work to be done; I am reworking training for officers to go on away missions, examining all of the old security procedures and assigning security personnel to look into any reports with even minor questionable information, and working on the material necessary for the Department Head courses so that I can be certain I am able to fulfill all of my duties in a satisfactory manner.
However, even it is not an official duty, I am expected to better integrate myself with this ship's crew, and so I agreed, reluctantly, to take some leave on Bajor. The entire time, I could think of little else besides the tasks that I was leaving behind to spend time wandering noisy streets and look at wares I had no desire to purchase. I ran into Commander Binet and we had a conversation about just this subject. He is apparently uncomfortable on solid ground, but he at least agrees with the Doctor that I need to spend time interacting with the crew more socially, and advised me that I might be able to join up with one of the unofficial hockey teams on the ship. The thought of that is pleasant, and if that is how my shore leave had ended, it would have been more positive.
Instead, Lt.s Conroy and Williams had apparently been drinking in the establishment that the Commander and I had been speaking outside of and they came out just as the Commander was leaving. Given the conversation I had just concluded with him, it was impossible for me to turn down their request to join them, despite my distaste for their tendency to over imbibe and their actions after doing so.
At first the conversation was pleasant enough, Lt. Conroy asked about my interests, and suggested that he would like to play hockey with me some time. I thought it was a good start, but he an Lt. Williams continued to argue around me and after Lt. Williams started making threats to strike him, I attempted to remind her of the decorum expected of a Starfleet officer even while off duty, and the two of them, particularly Lt. Conroy, began to argue that I was too focused on the rules and that I should relax. That sort of thought process is abhorrent to me, we took oaths to uphold Starfleet and Lt. Conroy seems to feel that those oaths disappear the moment he steps away from his station. I tried my best to explain things, but it appears that this all just managed to dredge up Lt. Conroy's true feelings about me.
I... cannot blame the Lieutenant for his feelings. I am still a reminder of the Borg, of what they do to people. I will never be just a human again, and that is a frightening thing, to think that anyone can take away what used to be and utterly replace it with something else. I can remember every single thing I ever did while a member of the Collective, every civilian I helped kill or assimilate. All the ships we destroyed. It was not my choice, but they were actions done by my hands. I blame nobody who is able to look past what has been done to me and by me, but I had been hoping, and perhaps during my brief time already spent on this ship, expecting that the Adagio would be different.
I only hurt myself by letting me forget this. After all, even my own father has refused to acknowledge that I am no longer dead and I am the only family he had left after what happened to my mother. I regret how much pain I cause in others, but all I can focus on is protecting others from feeling this pain. I am proud to continue to serve Starfleet; proud and honored. I cannot allow myself the luxury of self-pity as lives depend on me fulfilling my duties the best that I am able.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Mar 20, 2012 18:10:59 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88796.42
After the excitement of the ship's first trip out, it is somewhat pleasant that we have entered more routine activity. That is not to say that I resent the... excitement that accompanied my transfer to the Adagio, but I never received formal training in properly maintaining and organizing an entire division and it requires a great deal of work to avoid making errors, and I refuse to allow myself the luxury of errors given the importance of my position.
I have made some modifications to the security duties and have shifted some crew members around to different shifts based on the strengths and weaknesses reports have shown in the different shifts. I have attempted to keep these to a minimum to avoid unnecessary chaos and complaint, but they do require a large number of drills to rebuild cohesion and focus my personnel on their weak points.
The ship has also made first contact with a previously unknown race, although I was not on the bridge at the time and all of the information that reached me was based on various reports and recordings. I will not complain, though, as I had important duties to attend to regarding the self-proclaimed merchant that ultimately instigated this encounter through his illegal actions.
On that note, Lt. Conroy assisted me in the interrogation. We both maintained professional attitudes and I was content to leave it at that, but after we were finished, he asked to speak with me and then apologized for his statements. I wasn't expecting that at all, and he seemed genuinely concerned that he had not ruined our chances at friendship.
I accepted his apology, but I'm still not sure how I know how to be anyone's friend. I invited him to join me on the holodeck during my next scheduled session so that he could evaluate my hockey programs. Hopefully things will go well, I do not like to admit it, but part of me is tired of always being so separate from other people.
I also had a chance to speak with Commander Arnimane. It appears we are not quite as similar as I had expected us to be, but she at least understands things that I would not dare to tell others. She also seemed to be surprised by the fact that I do not view myself as directly responsible for the actions taken by me while part of the collective. To be honest, I've always been concerned that if I told others they would think of me as heartless. I know that my point of view on the matter is logical, but logic and emotions seems to clash quite often. Part of me has been wondering if it might be easier for me to interact with Vulcans at this point as they would likely admire my strictness for regulations, focus on duty, and suppressed emotional state. I may attempt to have a conversation with Lt. Savok some time to explore this theory, but our paths do not seem to cross anywhere aside from the bridge.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Mar 23, 2012 16:00:04 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88809.2
I have finally had an opportunity to get another opinion on my hockey holoprogram. Lt. Conroy was off-duty when I had my time scheduled for the holodeck and he took me up on my invitation. I do not believe he has had much practical experience with the sport, but he put in good effort. He seemed surprised that I would have Andorians programmed into it, but the Andorian leagues have had some of the most exciting matches in recent years. He also informed me that he believed one of the players looked quite similar to the Captain. At some point when it is appropriate, I will consider asking her if she has any relatives who play.
While we are once more docked at Deep Space 9, I have been putting my security teams through a number of drills and gauging their overall readiness and capabilities. At first my changes to the duty roster did not appear to be having much effect, but now that the security details have gotten used to their knew makeup, they have shown notable improvements. A few details are still under-performing, however, and I will need to give them more of my attention in the future.
There is also the matter of an incident with Lt. Williams, but given that it did not go at all the plan and the Commander's request not to speak about it to others, I do not feel entirely comfortable discussing the matter. I am wondering if I made the correct decision to support the plan, as Lt. Williams seemed to feel betrayed by my actions. My only intention was to assist her, but my inability to understand the motivations of her actions appears to have left me with insufficient information to make the correct judgement. She has asked me to avoid interacting with her outside of on-duty situations, and I shall respect her request.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Mar 29, 2012 20:29:17 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88814.02
It appears that we are unable to avoid having eventful shifts even when we are doing little more than training exercises. Commander Binet had decided that the crew needed to get some experience with the Valkyrie platforms and split us up into groups to focus on the specific pods most suited to our likely mission objectives. I was assigned to work with Lt. Conroy as our responsibilities are most similar.
Things went well enough, we had plenty of time to run preflight checks and all tests showed that systems were within expected levels. It was at this point that Lt. Conroy commented that it appeared as though everything would go smoothly for once. I replied that most pilots find those sort of comments to be a bad omen. It is unfortunate that it appears there may be some truth to those superstitions.
The training exercises were going well enough until we received word that a damaged ship was approaching Deep Space Nine and the training groups were routed to investigate. As our craft was currently equipped for combat, Lt. Conroy and I were ordered to approach the craft. It soon became apparent that the craft was hostile as they prepared to open fire and I ordered evasive maneuvers to all groups.
As Lt. Conroy initiated our own maneuvers, power surged far too quickly to the engines and they exploded, causing cascading system failures and leaving us more or less dead in the water. We were successfully rescued by one of the other Valkyries and the ship, apparently armed with explosives and attempting a suicide run on the station, was destroyed by the Adagio.
After all groups returned to the ship, Commander Binet ordered Lt. Conroy and myself to report to his officer to speak with us about what happened. The majority of his debriefing was oriented at Lt. Conroy and his recklessness, but I was also chastised for my failure to watch the power levels and counter Lt. Conroy's overzealous actions. We were also informed that the regulators on the Valkyrie had malfunctioned, so it was not entirely our fault and then he dismissed us.
Before leaving, I requested some of the Commander's time and spoke with him about my progress with my security details and my concerns. The commander told me that I had made enough progress with them that I could not be entirely held accountable for those that fell behind. We discussed some methods of motivation that I will have to make use of in the future, and then I left the Commander to his duties.
I am looking forward to the day when I am competent enough in my duties that I do not need to constantly worry that I am making mistakes. I am hopeful, though, that when that day comes I will still be wise enough to seek the opinions of others and keep improving.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Apr 2, 2012 16:01:40 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88831.23
It feels as though we are finally entering a more normal pattern on board the Adagio, and to some extent I appreciate this. I cannot deny the part of me that prefers it when we are in the midst of fighting off some enemy or otherwise saving lives, but it is disturbing to actually hope for such things. Obviously I am pleased whenever I can make a difference and truly protect people, but it is far better to hope for the universe to be at peace so that there is no need for you to defend others.
Regardless of excitement, I have been doing my best to improve the condition of the Adagio and have already started the process of dealing with what I view to be a minor problem on the ship. On most Starfleet vessels, alcohol is not served in the lounge, and I had been willing to let it go as the Captain's decision, but thinking on it I have decided it is improper for me to allow my concerns be silent. As Chief Security Officer, I should put forth my concerns and allow the Captain to make decisions with my input rather than let them go.
With this in mind, I went to speak with Mr. Koch, the man who is in charge of the lounge. He used to be part of Starfleet and seems a decent man, so I expected I would be able to count on his assistance. I requested that he have his servers keep more detailed notes regarding alcohol consumption, including making particular note of the number of individuals drinking in excess. Once I have a full week's worth of data, I plan to go to Commander Binet, should the data support my opinion, and request that alcoholic beverages no longer be served by the Adagio's lounge crew.
Aside from this and the various changes I've been making to security details, I have also been ordered to begin an investigation into the attempted terrorist attack against Deep Space 9 by Captain Zh'kor. I am leading the investigation, and Lt. Conroy and Doctor Jaril have been assigned to assist me. Apparently the Captain was pleased with our work dealing with Mr. Conway. Unfortunately, we do not have nearly enough information to advance the investigation, so the Adagio has been moved to patrol the Cardassia/Bajor trade route as we wait for information from various sources to come in.
After Alpha shift went off duty, I stayed on the bridge for awhile to finish up some simple tasks on the security console and I ended up having an opportunity to have a conversation with the Captain. Commanders Binet and Arnimane were there as well. The Captain asked about my recreational activity, and I brought up my hockey holodeck program. Apparently the Captain plays and has a brother in the professional leagues. It was enjoyable to speak with her about it, and the topic drifted to Andoria eventually and it reminded me of how much I used to want to go back there to actually see the sights. If I manage to stay assigned to the Adagio and get things in order, perhaps I will schedule some vacation time to go visit.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Apr 7, 2012 19:55:37 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88845.05
The past 48 hours have been incredibly busy after Fleet Command sent orders to the ship ordering that all alcoholic beverages be temporarily deemed contraband. While I agree with the Captain's decision the previous day that alcohol no longer be served in the lounge aboard the ship, I do not feel as though confiscating such items from the crew was the wisest course of action as it required an unnecessary amount of invasion of privacy for the crew and could easily have generated ill will.
It is therefore quite good fortune that the operation went as smoothly as it did. Foreseeing potential problems, I made certain that my security officers informed all the crew that their confiscated items would be returned at a later date and took any concerns presented to them to me so that I might might better be able to choose a course of action to present to the Captain to handle these problems.
It was not entirely without incident, as some of the crew voiced their opinions on the matter to my personnel quite loudly, but the professionalism of both my personnel and the crew as a whole shone through and the mood aboard the Adagio does not seem adversely affected, aside from a rise in off-duty complaints about Fleet Command of the sort that is quite common among enlisted personnel.
In honesty, this is the greatest personal challenge I feel that I have had to face as Chief Security Officer. I fully acknowledge my difficulty recognizing emotional cues from other individuals puts me at a disadvantage in situations requiring a diplomatic touch, and I understand that I can come across as not caring. It is only through consultation with my personnel and extensive planning for likely points of contention among the crew that I have managed to avoid harming the overall mood of the ship. I feel so utterly drained, but the pleasant glow of achieved success has helped me cope.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Apr 19, 2012 20:07:07 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88866.53
It feels as though it has been ages since I have made a log, but it has not been because there is nothing to talk about, it is far more likely that it is because there is so much happening.
The Adagio has been taken off the investigation into the terrorist attack and we have been redeployed to the Korvat system in the Pi Canis Sector. We were given a mission to investigate the disappearance of an investigation team at an abandoned facility at the Korvat colony.
I had expected for things aboard the ship to remain stable until we reached our mission point, but within two hours of our ship departing, ship sensors reported a weapon discharge in Commander Binet's quarters and I reported, after sending a security detail to the scene. On my arrival, I found Lt. Conroy holding the Commander and Ms. Williams at phaserpoint. Both looked roughed up, and Ms. Williams had apparently been shot with a non-lethal round.
My orders were to secure the scene until the Captain arrived, and when she got the story out, she was not pleased, and I do not blame her. Ms. Williams had snapped and assaulted Commander Binet after her troubles with him had reached a head. I took Ms. Williams to the brig and Commander Binet was assigned to temporary quarters and ordered to stay there until the matter had been sorted out.
After the Captain came to speak with Ms. Williams, she made the decision to allow her to return to duty, much to my disagreement. I have had an opportunity to speak with her and explain my opinions, but I did not expect the Captain to change her decision. We had quite a long talk on the matter, where I constantly felt frustrated because I felt as though I was unable to express myself properly. I do not know if that is inaccurate or if I was being hampered by the social capability damage I still suffer from.
The mission itself almost feels like an afterthought at this point, although it was hardly uneventful. Lt. Conroy was assigned as away team leader and I went down as Delta Leader to provide support and to help hold the entrance to the facility. It is a good thing that we were there, as the facility came under attack by a swarm of biomechanical beings of an as yet undetermined nature. My squad proved highly effective under my tactical leadership and only one of the creatures managed to break the line. It jumped on me but I was able to overpower it and disable it. When we were ordered to beam clear from the facility, I suggested that the disabled being be beamed to the secure lab so that we might be able to get some better idea of what these beings are and what sort of threat they will prove to be.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on Apr 29, 2012 22:02:39 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88902.98
For once there is a great deal to talk about, but I am not allowed to talk about it. It began after the Adagio was ordered to report to Starbase K-7, pulling us away from our mission in the Pi Canis Sector. The Commander was somewhat on edge, so I was forced to reorganize my duty roster to ensure optimal protection of top priority locations to account for the ship being at half-watch to allow shore leave.
I was planning to take the opportunity to practice socializing, but the Captain had been ordered to report to Admiral Donaldson's flagship and I was sent to escort her. Following the meeting, which I am unable to speak further about at this time, we beamed back to the Adagio and the Captain wished to speak with me. I wasn't expecting it, but she told me that she was pleased with my work as Acting Chief Security Officer and made me the official Chief Security Officer of the Adagio.
I don't know what to think, but something about that made me feel as if I was moving back on track. Given the way my career was progressing before my assimilation, I expect I would have already been given such a position. It is not as if I was not pleased with being given the acting position, but somehow it is different to have it official. Perhaps it simply felt as though I was given the acting position merely because I was the most qualified individual aboard, but being official means that I truly am what the Captain wants for her Chief Security Officer.
Following that, I was actually excited to beam over for shore leave to inform my shipmates and actually celebrate. I haven't taken part in a proper celebration since before my assimilation, but ultimately it did not work out as I had hoped. My shipmates were happy for me, but apparently Lt. Conroy and Ms. Williams had been attempting to convince Lt. Rater to ask me out on a date. Under their pestering, he asked me if I would like to have dinner with him, and I turned it down without even realizing it was to be a date. Once Ms. Williams told me, I attempted to apologize, but Lt. Rater appeared not to be hurt.
Honestly, I am not certain I read him correctly, because after that point, the entire evening started to come sliding to a halt. I made my best attempt to keep conversation going, but I have never been very good at that and ultimately they did not stick around much longer and I was left sitting alone at the table.
While I am pleased I have made further progress with my Starfleet career, I feel as though my best attempt to improve my social capabilities ended in failure. This was the first time I honestly put forth my best effort and I ended up turning the enjoyable time that my shipmates had been having into a rather awkward moment. I feel so frustrated with myself and I am not even competent enough to gauge what errors I made to try to correct them.
Log Ends
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Post by Captain Anja Malitzka on May 14, 2012 11:13:04 GMT -5
Anja Malitzka's Personal Log Stardate 88937.1
There are times when I do not care for being starship security; so often I have little more I can do but stand around preparing plans for away teams or the off chance that we will be boarded. It is a feeling of helplessness that is only enhanced by the fact that it is my duty to continue standing there, making what little operational plans I can even as it becomes clear that we have no hope of making use of them.
The U.S.S. Asimov and her crew died as our still damaged ship fumbled with worthless plots and attempts to gain an upper-hand over the Klingon force that assaulted K-7. They were not even a combat vessel, they had no chance at all and they were slaughtered for nothing. I do not mean to do disservice to the Asimov's crew; they died doing their duty and following orders, but their sacrifice accomplished nothing: they did not harm their attackers, did not slow them down enough for the Adagio or another ship to intercept them, did not save any others.
What value can we hope to get from such a loss? When my mother's ship was lost, I was at least inspired to follow in her footsteps, to do all within my capabilities to prevent such a loss from occurring again. Given what has happened to me and what was done using me, I cannot even be sure that was a good thing. And my father, he was all but destroyed by the loss of his wife, and when I was declared dead, he apparently gave up. How many more spouses, parents, children, and siblings will have to face that pain and gain nothing from it?
At times like this I am glad I am so incompetent at letting my emotions out; I am filled with such a deep, simmering anger that I quite honestly scare myself when I think about what I might do. With this I can see quite clearly why the Vulcans seek to disable their emotions.
Log Ends
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