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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Mar 14, 2023 11:47:45 GMT -5
“Personal Log: Stardate 104198.4”
*The sound of a PADD hitting a table is heard, and the computer registers the thump of Zhal sitting in the chair in his shared quarters.*
“I fucked up.”
*Zhal puts his face in his hands and his voice is muffled for half the sentence. *
“I moved to fast and nearly got us caught loitering in the Beryxian system in the cloud. Could have very well gotten the ship blown to hell. I fixed it, but I fucked up. Marcus was kind and complementary, so was V’tira, and Ezri but… they don’t see what I see. I am a pilot, and I should have been faster in my response time BEFORE we were seen but I was distracted.”
*He sighs.*
“Stop being dramatic, you did fine. You were professional corrected the mistake and all is well.”
*The sound of Zhal rising and rushing to the sink can be heard as he spewed his lunch into the sink and groaned.*
“Though if I am being honest… this has more to do with our visitor from the pits of hell and the void that magically appeared on the bridge. He can get bent by the way. “Nick” and I am the Trill Berry Fairy asshole.”
*He sighs.*
“His ‘manners’ make me want to hurl, but that cloud of black smoke… it reminded me of the dream, but honestly I am on edge as it is. I know I need to tell Doctor T’Lena, and I don’t know why I am waiting, pride? Fear? Not wanting to be a burden? I am the new kid, if the crew thinks I am the fuck up new kid… they could get rid of me, or worse I could go back to shuttling people again.”
*The water runs for a few minutes filling the silence and allowing his mess to go down the sink.*
“Is it something about this neighborhood? Specific Radiation, or stellar dust that has Z and me at odds? Or is this just something that we’ve buried way down and surfacing because it has to. I don’t have that answer but I am hoping I can get it.”
*He turns back and walks to the table picking up the PADD.* “But I did get a new toy to play with… I need to make Lyssa a trill berry cheese cake, because this Dragon Mark III Fighter Simulation… awh hell yeah! I am going to have a blast with this. As a matter of fact… I may start the replication of a headset for the simulator so I can wind down after my regular duties with a good old fashion dog fight…”
“Computer end log.”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Apr 10, 2023 9:38:18 GMT -5
Personal Log Stardate: 104272.2
I am still on the bridge now that we are back on the Manta. I did not want to leave my post while so many are hurt and I still have a job to do. If that prowler shows back up I have to make this ship fly as the Humans would say. “A bat out of hell.” So instead of speaking this log I am typing it on my PADD.
The ship is beaten to hell, and they ripped her apart., much like her crew. Still getting behind the helm has me feeling some type of way. Even if it got a little inappropriate there for a minute. Those collars and shackles must inhibit our libido because getting behind the helm got me a little more excited than I want to admit and I hope anyone saw.
I need my nose to stop bleeding, but right now that is going to have to wait. The Doctor has more serious injuries to treat than my fucked up brain, and the brusied ribs, and brusing on the majority of my torso. Frankly aside from the electrical discharges, that raked through my body releasing that monster in my head. I think I am doing better than I expected I would be, but that may be a bit optimistic without getting checked out by an actual doctor.
V’Tira tried to help me while I was being mind fucked and it cost her an eye… and getting shot while we were on the run. Frankly, that Vulcan is a badass. Even if she would be telling me to watch my language through this whole log. Not gonna lie. I owe her, and I am gonna have her back. Whether she realizes it or not, she may have earned a little brother she didn’t necessarily want.
I am also really glad Lyssa is here too… she maybe a terrifying Skara and basically one of my own nightmares but that snake lady is also a fucking badass. I should have just said I was fine but I didn’t and now she wants to talk. Which means that one of us is going to report to the Commander and Dr. T’Lena that I have a new visitor in my head and that I have been having this visitor for awhile. Which means I should come clean before I put her in a position that would harm our friendship. Honestly I don’t know why I have waited so long. Maybe it’s pride, or maybe it is not wanting to admit that the SC back home royally fucked this up by not making me aware of Valk. I am not sure.
What I do know is that there are three things I want when we get finished with this nonsense of being captured, loitering in enemy space, oh and ya know that ungodly massive ionic typhoon barreling at us. A shower, sleep, and sex. Not necessarily in that order at this rate I just want to get back to safety and observe gaseous anomalies or race a supernova, hell run from the event horizon of a black hole. Fuck me man anything other than the nonsense we have been getting up to lately.
But you know what bothers me, and I mean really bothers me. Yes we got caught where we weren't supposed to be, and the torture and the mind fucking just oh so much fun! But what bothers me and maybe others are thinking about this too. But that demon shows up on the ship and suddenly all hell breaks loose just a few hours after he leaves. Well Nick… frankly if I see you again. I vote shoot first and interrogate later. I may ask if I can keep this disruptor handy. It may not be a standard Starfleet issue, but it makes the point. I know a lot of this is my own irrational fear about what's going on in my head. But every instinct I have tells me something is wrong here, and that the ghoul had something to do with it. The storm will be here soon and I need to help batten down the hatches.
Ezri is in the big chair so I’ll just see what she needs me to do and get it done. Manta is going to need a lot of work if we are going to weather this storm.
-Encrypt Personal Log: Zhal Omega Seven Three One Black -
-End Log
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Apr 26, 2023 8:20:51 GMT -5
“Personal Log; Stardate 104315.9”
“We are home thankfully. I also went out clubbing and drinking this weekend… Had to make that particular walk after a night out this morning, but those two dancers were… a nice distraction.”
*He lets out a long sigh.*
“What was not fun was having to walk through the Citadel corridors and promenade with no shirt, a thin black jacket, pants and no shoes. I have no idea where my shirt or my shoes went but the worst part of it was I am fairly certain I was seen by most if not all the senior staff at one point on my walk back to my temporary quarters. So now they have seen that birthmark just to the left of my navel that looks like a… nevermind.”
“Pretty sure I also saw Marcus at the club… I think? Did we talk, I remember the antigrav… fuck he saw that. Yup, totally screwed. Also pretty sure I am getting over that whole thing. Getting used to being around the crew and I am feeling a bit more seasoned with my flying into hell with these people.”
*He chuckled at that.*
“They come through for you when you need them, even if I did fly us a couple million years into the past.”
*He sighs again.*
“I let it slip about my visitor in my head but thankfully the hallucinations have stopped. I think Zhal is finally starting to equalize but I am going to talk about it with T’lena, and this Prix she mentioned. I need to get help and not just for the nonsense of getting captured, but being mind fucked, tortured, and having a sick and twisted new host in my head. Not a great combination.”
*The sound of the sonic shower activates.*
“But I am going to talk, and I am going to work on getting this psychopath in my head in line, and keep doing my job.”
“Computer end log.”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on May 15, 2023 13:06:32 GMT -5
“Personal Log: Stardate 104368.5”
“Why is it when seem to get cushy assignments it all goes to shit. Fly like a hotrod to a beach resort pick up a VIP and get the hell out of dodge.”
“But like always its gone to shit.”
*He sighs and starts changing into his new swimsuit and puts a harness on*
“So now… I have to go out looking like a snack so we can find a damn assassin which while hot. Not a good look…”
*He puts his Starfleet commbadge on his waistband and smirks.* “What I wouldn’t give for that to be a phaser.”
“At least I look good.” *He turns and examines himself in the holographic mirror of himself.*
“That scene was a bloody mess and the animal trail was almost as bad. I am putting my old investigative hat on from Cinria’s archeological days, except I am using it like a security officer. I am a pilot damn it not a PI.”
*He glances at the pill bottle on the counter.* “The beta blockers are helping, but he is still there in my head. Therapy is helping me sort things out but it’s pretty clear. I have a buried host.”
“Let’s just find our targets and get the hell out of here. I’d rather be here for fun than on assignment.”
“The Truth is I just want to be back on the Manta, she is purring like a kitten and Bore and the team are making things easy for a pilot. Makes me miss the days of nearly flying her apart… which was just a few weeks back. I take it back, I don’t want to deal with that nonsense again.”
*He continues to look at himself in the mirror and smirk.* “Could always get a tattoo… let’s finish this assignment before I make a rash decision that I’ll regret.”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Jun 6, 2023 15:10:20 GMT -5
“Personal Log: Stardate 104398.3”
“I was fucking stabbed by some crazy assassin lady who tried to seduce me! Fuck off!”
*He tried to rotate the arm but it was stiff from the wound.*
“For the record I may have been late to my assigned job, which is why I went to the bar where we were all supposed to meet. I knew that psycho was the assassin the whole time. I mean I’m hot, and I have pulled better looking on the Citadel, but… something was off about the whole exchange.”
“Then we go back and get the prince? King? Emperor? Who cares, I had the worst case of blue balls I think I have ever had thanks to that specimen at the Bar Evryn… and now I am hurdling across the stars headed back to the Citadel. Because I have been put on temporary assignment for advanced flight training and to have my head shrunk some more.”
*He sighs as he continues packing his duffle.*
“I dropped off my orders and tried to slide them under Marcus’s door like an idiot and the door opened. I can hear his voice yelling at someone demanding I stay on his ship. Maybe that is just wishful thinking. Manta is the first starship I have gotten to pilot as the helm officer. She may be Marcus’s ship, but she is also mine and I am going to miss her.”
*He zips the duffel and walks around his quarters and looks at the time on the LCARS display.*
“It's 0400, and there is about to be a shift change. I'll sneak up to the bridge and set at the helm a bit before I depart. If V’Tira, and T’lena are to be believed which… they haven’t been wrong yet. I’ll get to look at Ragnar and his sculpted like a Greek god self while he trains me. That will at least be fun.”
“These are my last few hours on this beautiful Saber Class starship and I want to savor it.”
“Computer, begin log transfer and archive my access. Until Lieutenant Junior Grade Alerio Zhal returns to active duty aboard the U.S.S. Manta.” *His voice cracked when the sentence trail off.*
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Jul 13, 2023 10:13:46 GMT -5
“Personal Log Stardate: 104525.1”
“Every other day we are put into a simulation and pushed to the absolute limits of our piloting skills. So far I have managed not to blow up, or get my “crew” killed. There are whispers at the bar that we are coming up on something big. It has a few rattled; though Prag said that. “It is illogical to get out of sorts over an examination of our skills as Pilots and Tactical Officers.””
Zhal sighs and there is a thump as he falls into his bed.
“Honestly there is no time to really go to the club or do anything but study, sleep, fly, shower, sleep, and repeat. I miss the banter of the bridge crew back on Manta, but I am also doing this for them. So that when I get back at that helm. I can keep us safe.”
He takes slow breaths watching his bare chest rise and fall in the mirror. His eyes look at the sinister looking black and blue bruise on his side.
“Next time I get the bright idea to take manual control and not buckle up with the inertial dampers offline. Someone hit me upside the head as hard as possible.”
He sighs and then looks at the ceiling then to the picture of the Manta on his nightstand.
“I haven’t heard from Manta since I left. I just hope they're alright out there, I am keeping up with their assignments. They are doing some runs in relatively safe space. I just don’t like them going too far out without me. Not that I am the only pilot who can handle her in dangerous space, but being part of her crew those people are like family.”
“Truth is I want off the Citadel and to finish this course and get back to Manta as fast as possible. Don’t get me wrong. I love this training, aside from the whole working on my guest in my head in my off time. The beta blockers are helping, but he is still there. I can feel him in there sometimes.”
He looks at the pill bottle on the nightstand.
“Chaotic, mercenary, fuck boy that he is. But so far he has not made another appearance since we got off the hell hole torture planet of doom, and made it through the Typhoon.”
Zhal lets out a long sigh, and his body relaxes into the bed.
“Next test is in the ‘morning’. Knowing Ragnar in all his handsomeness it will come at 0300 right when I am entering REM so it throws me for a loop and I am screwed over by the body's need for sleep and acting against my pilot instincts.”
“Sexy bastard… still I am getting better at dealing with the nonsense. For now though it is clearly bed time.”
“Computer End Log.”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Oct 16, 2023 16:12:43 GMT -5
“Personal Log: 104790.8”
“Fuckery and Bullshit, that is what the last day and half have been. This whole mission really, fuckery and bullshit! Let the record show that the Tannies can not fly worth a damn, I pulled off an impossible gravity defying loop to get us in position and then those fuckers CRASH into us to stop us.”
“The injuries and lives lost on Manta as it’s pilot that’s on me, while Marcus V’Tira, and T’Lena will tell me it isn't. It was and there is no way around it. I was gone from Manta
for ten weeks on that advanced piloting course and I failed Manta and her crew no way around that.”
*He sighs and then plops down on the bed.*
“Then we have the Zombie Tannies, and the pysonic fear inducing cat. Bullshit and Fuckery, and I want to put in formal papers to NEVER work on the Sentinel cause they all tried to kill me! Their damn doctor wanted to make me a lab experiment, the damn security chief and whoever that person on the bridge wanted to lock me down in the hangar and shoot me. Then it was all some twisty brain nonsense.”
“I want to go back to the Manta, get back on the Citadel and go see my Romulan friend for a few days because fuck this mission, fuck the Tannies, and quite frankly those folks on the Sentinel can leave me the hell alone.”
*He sat down with a pouting hrmph.*
“End personal log.”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Dec 5, 2023 16:10:56 GMT -5
“Personal Log: 104916.5”
“Going to keep this brief as I can. I only have a few minutes before I need to get back to the bridge.”
“This fight has been fast and hard. Either I have learned from my mistakes on the Manta, or I am flying the best I ever have. I like to think it is a mix of both.”
“The Tannies have falled into more than one of our snares and Pilgrim is moving at an incredible clip. Surprisingly Bore hasn’t started yelling yet, V’Tira on the other hand…”
*He sighs*
“I get she isn’t a fan of my language but it’s hard enough flying through a spacial battle field while being shot at you’d think she’d let it go for fu… nevermind.”
“And now we have spaced damned planet killer looming out there that we have to not only fly for but also destroy.”
*Zhal gripped his head for a moment with a soft groan and shook loose.*
“My head has been pounding for the last twenty minutes. Now is not the time for the monster to come back. I’ll run down my quarters, grab my meds and get back.”
“End personal log.”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Jan 12, 2024 22:30:14 GMT -5
“Personal Log: 104032.5”
“We are back in the milky way, and I am pretty hung over.”
“Truth be told, my mind is still fractured and the closer I get to talking to Marcus about it, the more I dread telling anyone. T’lena hasn’t said anything is the sense that I get. I confess that is a surprise to me.”
“I finally talked about it at the wedding reception… and I didn’t break down. Again another surprise.”
“I keep thinking I have a handle on this thing and then he appears and the meds are starting to lose their effectiveness.”
Zhal paces in his room for a long moment in silence.
“Computer… access Manta special reserve marked M.B.”
“Deliver it to Commander Marcus Blaine.”
The computer chimed in acknowledgement of the command.
“Maybe that fifteen year aged bourbon will ease the world of pain I am in for that stunt at the wedding. Last time I get drunk at a function with the crew, at least that drunk.”
He sighs and sits at a chair.
“I have half a mind to just call him over the comm take the bottle and sit down and explain it all, but then it would be easier to just request a shuttle and go home and sort it out myself.”
“I do not know why I have this fear. V’Tira would stand with me. Hell the whole crew would, but it’s the Trill in me. We don’t talk about this, we most certainly don’t confess to hearing voices, seeing hallucinations of psychopathic former hosts running around in our heads for fun.”
“I know they can sense something is off, no matter how hard I try to hide it. I am trying to stay strong and away from it but he is still there in the corner of my mind, and at the edge of my line of sight.”
Zhal grips the sides of his head and looks down at his feet as he leans over.
“The memories of my lives are starting to get jumbled with each appearance, the crew needs a pilot who can do his damn job and I am starting to wonder if that is me.”
“Decision time Z, and you know what to do.”
“End Log.”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Feb 2, 2024 22:33:30 GMT -5
“Personal Log: 104078.9 I think, who cares I’m not even recording this really my comm is kilometers away.”
*The sound of snow crunching is heard.*
“The storm isn’t letting up. Marion and V’Tira are badly hurt and I’m well. To be honest I don’t know how I am. Seeing shit?”
*He looks back at the blizzard outside the cave.”
“Who the fuck is Ezri’s stalker, and why the fuck did they blow up the research base and our shuttles!?”
*There was a pained groan and Zhal leaned against a wall.*
“Fuck… hold it together Z… V’tira and Mary need you…”
“I can see all three of them now…. And my head wants to crack open… they are all talking at once… I need to go to Trill…”
“Once we get off this damn world… maybe the captain will let me go home…”
*He fell into the rock wall with a grunt.*
“Shit… just hold on… Zhal… hold… on…”
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on Apr 1, 2024 12:40:45 GMT -5
“Personal Log: 104247.9”
“It’s been a hell of a day, the Protector has taken a beating and I have a broken nose and bloodied uniform. Despite the walk of shame back to my quarters and the glares from the engineering teams. Thanks for that Bore.”
*He sighs.*
“I did everything I could to get us out of the field, but the gravitic shears were difficult to compensate for.”
*There is the sound of his body hitting the bed in his room.* “For the record… We are getting deeper into the shit now that we are back LMC. Dr. T’Lena believes we should begin the process of getting ready for my Zhian’tara. Personally I both agree and hate the idea.”
*The zipper on his uniform is heard and there is a clink from his combadge and pips hitting his nightstand.*
“Mostly because I don't want the monster in my head getting out and saying hello, but that is a part of the process of healing and resolving the issue at hand. Plus it would actually be nice to instead of seeing and hearing the voices in my head to actually learn from them. I want Enri’s secret to her Tulaberry Soufflé. It’s in my memory but it’s hard to recall when there is a madman running loose in my mind trying to break out.”
*The sound of the replicator can be heard as his uniform is reprocessed into the system.*
“My first session with Dr. Sisko is in about an hour and I am just oh so excited. Like having my teeth ripped out slowly by a blind Ferengi with an essential tremor.”
*The sonic shower was heard and the blood was quickly cleared from his face, hands, and his bare torso and the spots that ran the length of his body.*
“But I am under orders by Dr. T’Lena, and Commander Blaine to take my therapy session seriously and to actively participate despite the fact that I don’t want to do, though from what I heard in the mess. Dr. Sisko uses many types of therapy based upon a profile she builds from personnel records and this first meeting.”
*He sighs.*
“My hope is that she just doesn’t force me to relive the Conservatory, but knowing my wants and hopes is probably not going to happen. Here is the hope though, that I get better and back on track for that center chair in a decade or two.”
“Guess I should get dressed… and get ready for my first appointment with Dr. Sisko.”
"End Personal Log."
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Post by Lieutenant JG Alerio Zhal on May 2, 2024 18:21:25 GMT -5
“Personal Log Stardate: Oh who gives a fuck…”
“I have been having a fish out of water experience lately. Overstepping on the bridge, there are now three pilots including myself, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe the Captain wants me gone since my brain is one twisted nightmare awaiting the straw that shatters it into a trillion pieces and the last few missions I have flown like shit…”
“The dreams are back, including the hallucinations, Doctor T’Lena thinks we should move up the Zhian’tara, but because of how much work we are doing we don’t really have time, and even if we did I am so exhausted I don’t know if I could take the strain of one.”
“There are moments where I see the lecture hall back home on Trill and catch a glimpse of my long blonde hair tied back with the Hathine hair clip my husband gave me for our third wedding anniversary, I can smell the kitchen of my grandmother that taught me to cook and instilled the passion for the culinary arts that had me touring across the fleet and federation for months at a time, and I can feel the weight of my phaser in its holster, my left hand resting in the grip waiting for the hell about to be unleashed on that sketchy abandoned space station in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.”
“I am starting to wonder if the symbiosis commission missed something if a mistake was made… should I go home and return Zhal to the symbiote to the guardians. If I am unfit I have a duty to the symbiont before myself.”
“The irony is, I am a pilot and a navigator and I have never felt more lost in space. Can I say any of this to anyone ever? Not a chance in hell. The only person I felt safe enough to talk with about any of this is gone. Not even a note. We all have our own shit and stars know she has been through more than most… still I miss having her around.”
“I had big dreams before and after I became Zhal. Starting to wonder if I should have dared to dream at all.”
“Computer encrypt personal log authorization Zhal Delta seven seven one Yellow.”
“End Personal Log.”
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