Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Apr 19, 2010 18:12:58 GMT -5
Star Date: 87916.36
Personnel: Captain Joyaus Dalun
Location: Battle group Omega, Cestus Sector
Title of Log: All work and no play
Audio and text file only:
Damnit. Such a stupid thing to say! Have I gotten so built up in my own life as a combatant that I go around insulting people about their... Everything? Commander T'Likar was calm. Courteous and polite. As if nothing happened after her outburst at what I said. Damnit... I look back and think that I sounded so horrible, then sputtering and making nervous sounding apologies like some sort of child facing the headmaster after a stupid prank.
No matter how hard I try, that one little flaw... that nervous, jumpy little girl still lurks within. I can't escape her. I feel like I'm four different people and it doesn't help that I remember six other lifetimes in addition to my own. I am Joyaus Kemin the scared little girl, and Dalun the wise old symbiont... Joyaus Dalun, the stern Captain and warrior... and Joyaus Dalun the nervous, crazed maniac with a symbiont that has been around too long. Stick me on the bridge or put a rifle in my hand then give me a task, and... Well, My record speaks for itself. I'm a skilled negotiator and yet I can't even muster those people skills in a social setting. I still wonder if my rise through the ranks was too fast. Having the wisdom of my past lives doesn't mean I know how to use it in this one. And people wonder why I only drink water, and always work. Never going on vacation. Never attending Damascus billiards night, or listen to Shreni's Kless Throat Singing concerts, or play Kal-toh with Sivak, one of my oldest friends in Starfleet...
No. All work and no play means a Joyaus free from embarrassing herself and making everyone doubt her abilities. Free from making an enemy of her allies.
Kellandria tells me that I'm going to eventually snap one day... I am to prove her wrong. She also tells me that with this kind of life I'll never be happy and that would be a disservice to Dalun. I call it a valuable life lesson to the next one to carry him... Sometimes even Happiness must be sacrificed on our path in life.
Supplemental Entry:
Wow... reading this after the fact... Heh. Honestly, I thought about it, and I wonder. I should probably delete the entry. Wrote it on a short spell of depression after Cmdr. T'Likar's promotion and party... I still kind of want to avoid her for a bit... But mostly because I think it'll help point out that I regret what I said. That I've had time to think about it. Greater wisdom says that I should speak to her personally, in private, to clear the air.
Also I... Most likely must perform my zhian'tara. I'm going to request a short leave to return to Trill with the Damascus and my trusted crew... I'll need their help. Hopefully Admiral Sadi will understand.
Personnel: Captain Joyaus Dalun
Location: Battle group Omega, Cestus Sector
Title of Log: All work and no play
Audio and text file only:
Damnit. Such a stupid thing to say! Have I gotten so built up in my own life as a combatant that I go around insulting people about their... Everything? Commander T'Likar was calm. Courteous and polite. As if nothing happened after her outburst at what I said. Damnit... I look back and think that I sounded so horrible, then sputtering and making nervous sounding apologies like some sort of child facing the headmaster after a stupid prank.
No matter how hard I try, that one little flaw... that nervous, jumpy little girl still lurks within. I can't escape her. I feel like I'm four different people and it doesn't help that I remember six other lifetimes in addition to my own. I am Joyaus Kemin the scared little girl, and Dalun the wise old symbiont... Joyaus Dalun, the stern Captain and warrior... and Joyaus Dalun the nervous, crazed maniac with a symbiont that has been around too long. Stick me on the bridge or put a rifle in my hand then give me a task, and... Well, My record speaks for itself. I'm a skilled negotiator and yet I can't even muster those people skills in a social setting. I still wonder if my rise through the ranks was too fast. Having the wisdom of my past lives doesn't mean I know how to use it in this one. And people wonder why I only drink water, and always work. Never going on vacation. Never attending Damascus billiards night, or listen to Shreni's Kless Throat Singing concerts, or play Kal-toh with Sivak, one of my oldest friends in Starfleet...
No. All work and no play means a Joyaus free from embarrassing herself and making everyone doubt her abilities. Free from making an enemy of her allies.
Kellandria tells me that I'm going to eventually snap one day... I am to prove her wrong. She also tells me that with this kind of life I'll never be happy and that would be a disservice to Dalun. I call it a valuable life lesson to the next one to carry him... Sometimes even Happiness must be sacrificed on our path in life.
Supplemental Entry:
Wow... reading this after the fact... Heh. Honestly, I thought about it, and I wonder. I should probably delete the entry. Wrote it on a short spell of depression after Cmdr. T'Likar's promotion and party... I still kind of want to avoid her for a bit... But mostly because I think it'll help point out that I regret what I said. That I've had time to think about it. Greater wisdom says that I should speak to her personally, in private, to clear the air.
Also I... Most likely must perform my zhian'tara. I'm going to request a short leave to return to Trill with the Damascus and my trusted crew... I'll need their help. Hopefully Admiral Sadi will understand.