Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Jun 26, 2014 6:04:49 GMT -5
Nyoko materialized on the Transporter pad back on Starbase 220. She stepped off and made quick exit following the hall back to the main operations lobby. Her mind was elsewhere not paying attention the officers whom stopped to stand attention for while she passed them. One of the many differences she was adjusting too by holding the rank of Admiral.
The Asian admiral thoughts differed back to that instance in the turbo lift with Jax. The conversation had made it clearer than ever before that the weekend the shared on Risa was nothing more than a fling. Jax was in love with another woman. Although the two had fun and perhaps there might have even been a connection his attention was Beth. The time abroad in the distant quadrant must have formed a work relationship that touched him in personal ways. Yet he could never have Beth she as married.
This hadn’t been the first time Nyoko had run into this story. Years ago she two experienced losing a loved one and was unable to look beyond the loss to see the people that were around her. It was lonely time almost as lonely as she had felt lately being a single mom.
“Jax. I know you’re In love with another woman and there just isn’t any room for me.” She recalled the words.
She recalled jax’s facial expression vilely. He was surprised; confused even that she had been so perceptive. That she was able to read him like an open journal.
“Come on Jax, I didn’t become Admiral because I shoot a phaser well.” Nyoko started.
“I’m a big girl. You’re not the first weekend fling I’ve been had.” She tried to make light of the situation and that seemed to further blow his mind.
It sent him into jumble of words. Nyoko was patient and she listened and let him finish.
“Nyoko, I don’t want you to think I used you,” He explained in a panic.
“I get it Jax.” Nyoko insisted. “But you have to sort your feelings with Beth before we can have anything meaningful.”
“Is that an order admiral?” He asked with smirk.
Then her thought was interrupted as she arrived at her room. She split the formal uniform down the middle some freeing herself from it’s stiffness as she continued into her stations quarters. Plopping on the bed she slumped on her back and staired at the celling. All the feelings she was disspaointed she could have sworn there was connection, yet she was force. She was forced to pull the plug because she knew from experience Jax would never give her what she wanted.
“It was sex” she said to herself quietly. “What happens on Risa.” She reminded herself softly as she recalled what Jax said before they departed.
“We’ll always have risa.”
Yet that didn’t’ solve the emptiness she was feeling. Like every girl who had ever faced disappointment she revisited familiar thoughts, familiar feelings. She thought about Hann. The good times she had, the times where he made her feel alive, and not alone. The qualities that allowed her too look past her uniform and want something else for herself.
I was true. She missed him. She missed so much she picked up her data pad and accessed the Starfleet personnel. She accessed his personal record with the flick and the tap of a few commands. The Library access computer brought up his profile which included a picture of him. It was the only picture she had-
She looked at his handsome face long moment. Tears came to her eyes as she remembered why she was so angery with him. Why she wouldn’t allow him in her life again. All of this was very sad, so sad that Jax didn’t even get a second thought in the face of her baby’s father’s profile picture.
A few tears slipped from her eastern shaped eyes as she traced Tanaka Hann’s profile face with her finger along the smooth surface of her tablet. Then her face frowned in a scowl as she forced herself to be reminded that he abandoned her crew and took a promotion to Rear Admiral. That he traded what they had always dreamed of for a pip in a square box.
“Jerk,” she said bitterly and tossed the tablet over to the left of her and she borough her off hand to her forehead. She rested the back side of her hand against her forehead taking breaths to calm self-down.
It had been two years since Nyoko had seen Hann. Since the pregnancy, and the time away from her crew she held Hann responsible for allowing her command crew to be reassigned. Helpless with his baby she remained in medical leave avoiding whatever scandal might be drawn from having a baby with her XO in a fleet whose commander was very admittedly against personal relationships. She rationalized it her head. She was better off. He didn’t’ deserve her and now that her goals to put a new crew on the Ayanami again. She had restored mostly what was taken from her and without his help.
She shut her eyes and she slipped into a dream, a world where everything was perfect and princes marry princesses live happy ever after.
The Asian admiral thoughts differed back to that instance in the turbo lift with Jax. The conversation had made it clearer than ever before that the weekend the shared on Risa was nothing more than a fling. Jax was in love with another woman. Although the two had fun and perhaps there might have even been a connection his attention was Beth. The time abroad in the distant quadrant must have formed a work relationship that touched him in personal ways. Yet he could never have Beth she as married.
This hadn’t been the first time Nyoko had run into this story. Years ago she two experienced losing a loved one and was unable to look beyond the loss to see the people that were around her. It was lonely time almost as lonely as she had felt lately being a single mom.
“Jax. I know you’re In love with another woman and there just isn’t any room for me.” She recalled the words.
She recalled jax’s facial expression vilely. He was surprised; confused even that she had been so perceptive. That she was able to read him like an open journal.
“Come on Jax, I didn’t become Admiral because I shoot a phaser well.” Nyoko started.
“I’m a big girl. You’re not the first weekend fling I’ve been had.” She tried to make light of the situation and that seemed to further blow his mind.
It sent him into jumble of words. Nyoko was patient and she listened and let him finish.
“Nyoko, I don’t want you to think I used you,” He explained in a panic.
“I get it Jax.” Nyoko insisted. “But you have to sort your feelings with Beth before we can have anything meaningful.”
“Is that an order admiral?” He asked with smirk.
Then her thought was interrupted as she arrived at her room. She split the formal uniform down the middle some freeing herself from it’s stiffness as she continued into her stations quarters. Plopping on the bed she slumped on her back and staired at the celling. All the feelings she was disspaointed she could have sworn there was connection, yet she was force. She was forced to pull the plug because she knew from experience Jax would never give her what she wanted.
“It was sex” she said to herself quietly. “What happens on Risa.” She reminded herself softly as she recalled what Jax said before they departed.
“We’ll always have risa.”
Yet that didn’t’ solve the emptiness she was feeling. Like every girl who had ever faced disappointment she revisited familiar thoughts, familiar feelings. She thought about Hann. The good times she had, the times where he made her feel alive, and not alone. The qualities that allowed her too look past her uniform and want something else for herself.
I was true. She missed him. She missed so much she picked up her data pad and accessed the Starfleet personnel. She accessed his personal record with the flick and the tap of a few commands. The Library access computer brought up his profile which included a picture of him. It was the only picture she had-
She looked at his handsome face long moment. Tears came to her eyes as she remembered why she was so angery with him. Why she wouldn’t allow him in her life again. All of this was very sad, so sad that Jax didn’t even get a second thought in the face of her baby’s father’s profile picture.
A few tears slipped from her eastern shaped eyes as she traced Tanaka Hann’s profile face with her finger along the smooth surface of her tablet. Then her face frowned in a scowl as she forced herself to be reminded that he abandoned her crew and took a promotion to Rear Admiral. That he traded what they had always dreamed of for a pip in a square box.
“Jerk,” she said bitterly and tossed the tablet over to the left of her and she borough her off hand to her forehead. She rested the back side of her hand against her forehead taking breaths to calm self-down.
It had been two years since Nyoko had seen Hann. Since the pregnancy, and the time away from her crew she held Hann responsible for allowing her command crew to be reassigned. Helpless with his baby she remained in medical leave avoiding whatever scandal might be drawn from having a baby with her XO in a fleet whose commander was very admittedly against personal relationships. She rationalized it her head. She was better off. He didn’t’ deserve her and now that her goals to put a new crew on the Ayanami again. She had restored mostly what was taken from her and without his help.
She shut her eyes and she slipped into a dream, a world where everything was perfect and princes marry princesses live happy ever after.