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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:49:02 GMT -5
Stardate: 87762.01 Personnel: Lt Commander Honda Location: Xarantine Sector: Deep Space Title of Log: Captain's Personal Log #1
It has been 33 hours since I have issued orders to hold steady in deep space in the Xarantine Sector. Our patrols are on hult for now as all the Yoshimoto's crew are hard at work repairing the damages systems from the Gorn encounter in our last mision. While engineer teams pull pannels apart and replace burnt out consoles. Sick bay is swamped with those who were injures minoraly during the battles. Mostly concussions, minor burns, and bruses. In my free time I find myself aiding Loharat in the medical bay until she orders me out of sick bay out of fear of exhaustion.
Yet with all the crew hard I find my task the most challenging. Speaking at these memorial services has taken it's toll emotional on me. Having to speak on behalf those who sacrificed them selves for the good of the ship, and rationalize there deaths to their peers and at the same time maintain crew moral is dark art. One I am coming to despises greatly. Luckly I have the last memorial service later tonight. So I just need to get threw one more service.
In other aspects of my career. Admiral Myrunji seems to have taken quite an infinity to me. Passing recommendations on to Star Fleet Command which in return have placed a great deal of trust in me. Although I rarely make mistakes, i wounder with more, and more responsibility placed upon my shoulders how bad the consequences will be when i do finally make a mistake.
The admiral had even sent me on a personal mission to speak with Meranda the thoughts of the renegade Captain. Though little was discovered to his personalty, and motives from her. With being assigned to this deep space assignment I have yet to discus the limited information pertaining to the renegade that Captain Meranda provided me.
Starfleet also has cleared the requisition request for fleet uniform skirts. Providing our female officers with a little bit more feminine look in terms uniforms. So I had tried one on recently finding it to be modest enough for my tastes, especially compared to the nano-mini skirts teens are ware at clubs on earth. I fell they will do nicely among our fleet selection of uniform.
And finally as my reflections to the commanders of those who stood agienst the Gorn. I find myself looking forward to meeting Lt. Commander Laurel Orkney in person. Then my thoughts to Karl who must be under enormous pressure himself since my ship's damage was minor compared to his. I should signal him soon to check in on him.
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:49:40 GMT -5
Stardate: 87780.00 Personnel: Lt Commander Honda Location: Earth Space Dock Title of Log: Task Force Peacemaker
This will be the first battle group task appointed to the crew of the Yoshimoto. As we run our final checks and prepare for our jounrny to the front lines. I cannot help but to look around at my bridge crew working away at there stations attempting to obtain the maxiumium of the Yoshimoto's power. During our 20 stardates of being grounded. A new quntium torpedo was installed to our forward arch. Requestioned from by the Fleet to allow the Yoshimoto more fire power. I cannot help but to feel a swelling feeling of pride for my ship, and it's crew as they report each system as a go.
Yet I have this omonious fear in the back of my heart. It cannot be fear of combat as i have seen the fight and how quickly officer's lives can be taken when an overload burnout occurs at a console station. No it's somthing beyond the fact i could very well die.
Prehaps when i look about the bridge and see those who have come to turst in my command and call me captain. I dread being responsible for there lives. Yet the all breavely stand by me as there captain and diligently work as hard as they can these last few hours to prepare there ship for war. I can only hope that I have the strength to bring everyone home alive.
In the next few Stardates not just they, but I as well will be in combat against a Gorn task force larger then ever seen in Federation Sector. That anyone of them includeing myself could be killed in the act of duty. So with this the only comforting thought is that there are no finer set of crew to die with then those who stand at there post aboard the USS Yoshimoto.
My eternal gradituted for the courage of the officers, and the enlisted men and women of the Yoshimoto. As there would be no place i'd rather be in the universe at this time then to be on the bridge leading you all to combat. So we say a fond good bye to Earth, as we understand some among us will not be returning to view upon her beauitful blue oceans.
[End Log]
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:50:52 GMT -5
Star Date: 86181.2 Personnel: Lt Commander Honda Location: Sol System Title of Log: Thoughts
The Ceremony for Ensign Talos came and went. The emotion of may peers still wears on my mood. However those of our fleet looked there absolute best and likely had impressed other members of Fleets this evening. Karl and my speech was moving and it seems the more of these memorials you do, the better you get at. How sicking of thought that could be.
Nevertheless the event went off flawlessly. The blank 20th century rifle shots were really loud. Even made me jump at the first set of shots, it was a good addition to the ceremony. It was traditional. Which always seemes to be the way I like things.
The afterparty was interesting. We had guests who showed there respects and of course Captain Dace had showed up. Captain Mathais spared him no chances. Right away he was testing the canidate’s resolve and pressing his patients. I believe he may have even insulated him. I wounder if Captain Dace will be pulling his application off our database soon. I didn’t have time really too look into the damage that was done. However I am sure I will hear about it soon.
I believe, I have become resentful of Admiral Myrunji’s choice for resignation. Leaving with his burden, and without a good explanation, however thing are looking up. Our fleet is active, and we are gaining new members each day. Soon the Yoshimoto will set sail on it’s research mission assigned earlier this stardate block.
The final inspection was treat to do. Everything was perfect and in it’s place. The hull repairs are flawless, except for minor scratch caused by Lt Shelana piloting.- Grumble, Grumble- But she is ready for flight tomorrow and Research Group Nova will being there assigned mission.
It will be good to be flying again and doing Starfleet’s intended work. [End Log]
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:55:32 GMT -5
Star Date: 87922.28 Personnel: Lt Commander Honda Location: Sol System Title of Log: Doubts
Lt Commander Honda’s Personal Log.
My adventures in San Diego were refreshing and pleasurable. Some of the challenges I faced mostly with my dearest of friend Laurel was mostly about her inexpediences with populated cities, and the night life. I never really occurred to me how much of a country bumpkin she really was. At times it felt like I was dragging her threw clubs, and shoving her towards guys, and ultimately trying to get beyond Admiral S’far.
The surfing was amazing; I had forgotten how much I enjoy the water. The guys I had met on the beach where more than accommodating. But some of the more pleasurable actives that I found myself getting involved with. Mainly with Adam during the evenings had left me strained in a old subject that I had locked away behind solid walls of Starfleet Protocol and Regulation. Our short vacation friendship was tempered with an intimacy that I haven’t had in quite some time. Although what we shared on the beach was so amazing it came to an end as quickly as my Vacation did. Thus I have returned to reality as a Starship Captain, and leader of Men in Exploration and Combat.
Today I woke up with the blues. It’s only been several days since our return and I have seen Laurel only a hand full of times. I had wondered what she was up to lately since I know her starship wasn’t deployed for a mission. Though I it is diffuclted to really tell what Is going on in other chains of command without some official reviews, or even mandatory logs, which none have been posted by her.
Which I haven’t minded too much because as of lately I’ve been seeking solicitude from my Fleet Mates. I have been battling some of the counter effects of my acts intimacy on my beach vacation. My mind seems to be not on my work and on Alex and what my career might have been had history been different, but why now? I cannot seem to get out of this box to view it from the outside. Maybe I feel guilty? Guilty of dishonoring my most sacred of memories, guilty of trying to abandon them.
With my solitude had in the later part of the day had left me with watching the sun rise over my homeland. Laurel had found me in the corner of the lounge and when she came to join me I was relived. In fact I was so happy that there was no one else I’d like to share this moment of sun rise over the eastern Islands of Asia. Of course no longer did have I have to clean this mess of a feeling I had left over from my activities in San Diego by myself.
-A breath utter frustration.-
With her kind words, and her empathy it had come clear that these four years haven’t been enough time for me. It is still too soon to explore intimate feelings again. Though one thing is clear when I accepted that ring from Alex, a change had occurred in me, that I no longer had a wild and spirited passion that never held me back with boys. That now I was attached to something greater, something that transcended Klingon, Romlans, Starships, and federations. Though the cruel reality is that my counterpart is no more, yet the attachment remains. I suppose all I can do is fill my needs as they come up, and do my job. A job so important that no one else in the world except my peers understand it’s reasonability. That is the responsibility of being a Starship Captain.
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:56:02 GMT -5
Star Date: 87922.40 Personnel: Lt Commander Honda Location: Sol System Title of Log: Supplemental
Lt Commander Honda’s Personal Log
Laurel surprised me today. She had reminded me why I stand behind a shield of Protocol and Regulations. She had become involved in a twisted development of events that I have been noticing with Admiral Sadi. With Admiral Sadi on medical leave and being told it’s classified by the Chief Medical Officer, I could only wonder if there is a cover up occurring. Laurel came to after our conversation of my personal feelings and conveys to me some alarming challenges she faces. [… Last Three Sentences Omitted…]
Computer Omit last three sentences.
Although she had shared the parameters of this dangerous situation that may lead to a maze of emotions and personal feelings that may very well compromises her career. She seems to have already made up her mind. That some of her passions are more important then maintaining a proper relationship with her commander and chief of the fleet. Despite all my efforts to help her look at the problem from the outside she threw my personal feelings that I had shared with her pertaining to losses in my face to discredit my advice. If I had secrets, then she could have secrets.
An action that not only hurt me but made so angry at her that I told her to get out of my face in a public venue. Perhaps not the wisest of places to had discussed things. Now I must question what other personal feelings of mine that is appropriate to share with Laurel. Whether she had came at me by accident, or out of frustration, or even with her intent to discredit my advice. She is very sorry about it and I have decided to over look this event. After having a conversation to describe in detail how she made me feel. I believe I’ll do so tonight at the bar that we hang out.
Despite that Laurel is my friend perhaps my closest, I must now watch her closely when moving forward with our friendship. That it will take time for her to prove to me she is worthy of my personal thoughts, feelings, and gossip. That now I must wait and see if her action in this instance was really an accident and nothing more. Time will decide that for me I am sure.
As for the medical incident of Admiral Sadi that has yet again left me as acting admiral. I have decided to overlook Commander Den’ya’s efforts to keep me in the dark. That I will stand by and trust Laurel ability to do what she must do to make this perplexity not just correct, but correct with the integrity of a Starfleet Officer. I must learn as well to give advice when asked for and not assume that she is listing to my words because they are met to be of aid. That being an example is far better then trying to defeat people threw the usage of words.
But beyond all this I cannot help but reflect that relationship drama with superior officers is something Laurel is involved with often. After all I was nearly destroyed by her last boy friend over a dilatational attempt to wedge his way into the excutitive role of this fleet, and keep control over his relationship with Laurel. That only because of my ridged standards of regulation excellence I out shined an admiral in terms of Starfleet quality. And such obvious efforts of malice shown my away in the form of legal litigation was dismissed. Leaving my personal recorded untarnished.
So what other disasters wait for us now going forward… I can only ponder in wonderment the answers.
Computer End Log. [End Log]
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:57:36 GMT -5
Star Date: 87968.67 Personnel: Lt Commander Honda Location: Sol System Title of Log: Commander
Lt Commander’s Personal Log, Stardate: 87968.67
This is my final persona log entry as Lieutenant Commander. This afternoon my third soild gold pin was pinned to my color by my most dearest of friends. She not only had kind words to say but she made it all the way back from to earth despite her missions in space to ensure she was there at my promotion ceremony. I am honored. The fleet’s executive officers gathered in the assembly to honor me as well. The Ceremony was short but these things are always the case. I am also happy Laurel didn’t injure my neck poking that pip threw my collar. I may have had to round house kick her off stage if she made such a silly mistake. (Nyoko’s laughter in the background).
However in more serious notation, Admiral Sadi has also ordered me to be reassigned in the light of my promotion. The Yoshimoto is to return to shipyards to undergo a major refit that may very well change the shape, size, and even classification of the ship. My curiosity got the best of me however as I reviewed the project notes. The Yoshimoto will undergo a two year refit. Project. Starfleet must have large plans for that little ship. Yet. I am sad.
The Yoshimoto had become home to me and my crew, and even home for Laurel who at times seemed like a part time resident. Yoshimoto was fine ship, carried us threw some of the most challenging difficulties we faced. It had taken more then a fair share of poundings as well, and bounced back with unreliable resilience. Now after only few hundred stardates, It has been taken from me.
I suppose it was bound to happen. The USS Yoshimoto was an experimental version of the Nova Class. That it’s time under my command was simply a trail. One of which yield enough data to keep Starfleet Corp Of Engineers reading hours on end. So with a heavy heart I say my fair well.
“Sayonara Yoshimoto. I will never forget you old friend.”
Tomorrow, I get my first flyby of the USS Ayanami, a Heavy Escort Vessel. However I am told that the weapon system installed to this starship is unlike any other. Primarily utilizing plasma based weapons. I am unsure how I feel about this. Plasma typically drains a great deal of energy, while escort vessles typically have less energy to spend. However I have seen the future assignments file and it seems the Ayanami’s intial missions will be a verity of testing. Hopefully this all plasma weapon system will turn out be devastating success. Not only do I have to prepare to become the captain of this ship. I have to pack too! The weekend though is coming up and It will be more then likely I’ll have time to start fitting things into transport pods before the Fleet Meeting on board the Admiral’s Ship. That is about all I have to speak on, until next time.
[End log]
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:58:14 GMT -5
Star Date: 88132.75 Personnel: Commander Honda Location: Space Dock Title of Log: Reflections
It has been some time since I have made a personal log. It's likely I have always felt these things to be a waste of time or back handed way to trash your superior in the event of an investigation. I also feel what could be accomplished by spending the time recording this could be spent with friends and more importantly family. The doctors have recommend that I do personal logs to help empty my mind. So here it goes
My experiences at the hands of the Romulan Spies has made it difficult to share with love ones. The efforts to break my resolve was relentless. Psi Torture trials, constant physical strikes were very effective in breaking me down. They starved mr for Days on end battered my face when I was defiant. All of which after a prolonged amount of time I had broke. Then when I thought it was all over they gave me over to Klingon operatives who filled me with drugs to make speak.
When I was rescued It felt like angles riding on great eagles had flown down from the heaves to release me from my torment. My friends saved from enduring an additional round of torture. Now I have returned.
It has been an odd feeling. The best way I can describe it is that I had died and was raised from the dead. The adjustment with all the changes have been the hardest part.
The command staff has changed and my responsibilities divided up. In some ways I am glad yet in others it is tough to watch others decide what to do with the fleet I was put to administrate.
Admiral Mathias has moved on to bigger jobs so I am told. His involvement with the fleet has been near to none. He didn't visit me in while I was hospitalized after my rescue. I guess we all have to move on.
It also seem with the command staff missing or being reassigned many of the commanders have received permotions and the fleet now resides in the command and care of Brian Donaldson. It was almost like yesterday I did his introduction Interview. The change is a welcomed one though. I and the admiral had always connected real well.
I attended my welcome back ceremony. Although I was disappointed with it's attendance I was surprised of the people that did attend. It seemed that those who I was closet with prior to absence didn't make the effort to attend while those whom I never really connected with did attend. I must have left an important impression on them before my absence.
Brain has been so supportive in my recovery. Very kind, very understand, and most important very patient with me. He had really went out of the way to prepair a 20th century Japanese dinner one with fantastic sushi!
Then there was Devon. Who had been at my bed side the moment I woke. It was such a good sight to wake up too. Prior to my incident I had been finding him in my thoughts and quite often. I believe that I was falling for him. Until last night when I had learned that during my 5 months of captivity he had spent that time courting another women and had married her.
I can't really be angry at him since I laid no claim to him due to the speed I wished to move at but I found it to be one of the toughest disappointments to deal with. I am sad at the loss of companionship though it's not anything I haven't delt with in the past though what angers me most is lack of meaning in his words that I had taking for truth.
Although he swears up and down that's not the truth m I find it difficult to believe. As to throw my feelings aside after so we shared our feelings simply leaves me to believe there wasn't much after all. Actions spoken by the band he wore.
Then after he had realized my reactions his efforts to atone for his mistakes or perhaps his way of dealing with the loss of my feelings was almost a desperate and certainly unbecoming of a new wedded husband. Of which I had rejected his advances on me and reminded him he was married.
In reflection I am hurt. Hurt that I believed I was important to him. Hurt that while the enemy drilled holes in my mind I wasn't important enough. Well at the very least it's all behind me now. I doubt I'll be hid Devon company any time soon.
Although if his words are truth and they haven't been empty. I feel so bad for his wife for she married a man in love with another women. Truly a tragedy. One I want nothing to do with.
Admiral Donaldson had his debriefing with me as well. Awarding me two medals and assuring me that I won't lose my command commission. This had been something that I've been fearing since I woke.
So I am preparing to leave for a 3 week vacation. I'll be spending 10 days on Risa and 11 in japan. I haven't spoken to my mother lately well anyone for that matter. I had to destroy my data pad to prevent it from falling into enemy hands. So I have been disconnected. I'll have to pick one up when I return to Japan.
[End Log]
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:58:26 GMT -5
Star Date: 88196.14 Personnel: Commander Honda Location: Risa, Tranquility Island Title of Log: 10 Day Vacation
I have arrived here on Risa. I had decided to vacation on Tranquility Island which is more popular then some of the other resorts. I decided to do this so that I'll be among people then being reclusive. The last thing I need is being alone. I had enough of loneliness during my captivity. I have checked in with the local rangers and have rented the grass hut at the top of the mountain. It's little more remote then I had wanted though view is mystic. I find the sea breeze and the view far more healing then Starfleet Captains trying to get into my bikini.
Tonight I hear there's a bond fire party. It's a very poplar event and I am excited to attend. I look forward to having a few peniacolada and socializing again. Maybe I'll make a new friend or two. I sure need them these days. I have learned that while I was being held captive. Jr Lt Hayashia was killed in Action along the Klingon Front. Ship and hands all lost.
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:58:36 GMT -5
Star Date: 88246.90 Personnel: Commander Honda Location: USS Ayanami Title of Log: Devon's Wedding
Commander's personal log,
I have taken a few two days off to attend the wedding of Captain Scott, Task Force Commander of the 7th Fleet. It is with great reservation that I attend the wedding. As time heals my trauma and my head becomes clear I have grown to resent of Devon with his very shallow actions. As for his wife she annoyes me a great deal with the amount of public display of affection. I am not sure what sickens me more, that southern north American access that fancies vocabulary as my darling, and my love or the fact that she makes such personal feelings so public.
However family values dictates that I see this threw properly. Although it has cause me a great deal stress I have to attend this wedding with a smile. How I do not know.
Later this week Captain Frost my colleague and comrade had sensed my troubles and offered to join me at the wedding. I cannot begin to express my gratitude. While he had escorted me the entirety of the night. I found satisfaction in introducing Devon to Tobin. I can only speculate to how his assumption effected his inner emotions.
Although Captain Frost's appearance at my side this evening was purely platonic. I have found an a huge appeal for his size and frame. On level that I have been fantasizes about in the privacy of my own thoughts.
But more to this something deeper has intrigued me a great deal. There is something obviously deep and compassionate beyond those very familiar walls of professional attitude. I find myself attracted to it because I want to know his story.
Was it lost love like myself? A family catastroph? Bad childhood? A shameful life choice?
Although my curiosity has me wondering, I have to remind myself that it is none of my business until he decides to share it with me. To ask about such things would be very rude. After all the last thing I want to do is describe the results of Alex's death.
While the after party of the ceremony was rather lame. I had decided I had for-filled my respects and was among the first to leave. At the end Tobin had taking me by surprise. While I found satisfaction in what it was like for Devon to see me dangling off of to Tobin's arm, Tobin's display really made it cretin to Devon. Although it was all an act on my dates part. Yet now that i lay here in my quarters now, I wonder what made him do so.
I am glad that I no longer have to entertain Devon's attention anymore. Now that I showed my respect as my family honor demands of me. I can slowly let the friendship slip away now with no regrets. For Tobin had helped me get closure for standing at my side and I had faced my challenge head on.
Yet something happened when Tobin dropped me off. I am left here with curiosity that maybe beyond a physical attraction. So I is here by myself wondering what if having me close like tonight has altered his perception of me.
Time will tell I am sure.
Computer End Log.
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:58:45 GMT -5
Star Date: 88284.11 Personnel: Captain Honda Location: USS Ayanami, Earth Spacedock Title of Log: Last Commander's Log
Commander’s Log,
As an official note, this will be my last log as a Commander. In a few days administration will pass a request that was submitted by Admiral Donaldson without my knowledge for promotion. This news was sprang on me as an utter surprise at my Award Ceremony for detected work I had done since my home coming from the Romulan Front. While I was profoundly honored I have mixed feelings about such advancement. While it is true that I am often handling the work of Captains, perhaps even admirals, there are perks that I will miss as a Commander. Things like not having to be entirely responsible now for things above my rank grade. Though there is of course there are captain’s perks to consider as well.
The event was a dream come true in some shape. How I miss judged how this event would turn out was beyond me. Something should had told me something when I saw my father and mother in Spacedock earlier this stardate wishing me well. Admiral Donaldson must have contacted them as well. All the while as I stood on stage among friends, family, and peers. They all did me the honor of being part of this surprise.
Among the crowed were some to consider. Captain Dullan was there among my peers as well. Her reactions seemed to some what disapproving as perhaps she didn’t feel I deserved it, or was somewhat resentful that such honors were placed on me. I wonder if such resentment is based around the assumption that I am a favorite among the top brass. Although she we did trade civilities in terms of opinions about such. I choose to remain humble and polite as mandatory of my culture. Howerver if I could ever feel the silent rivalry between me and Captain Dullan I certainly felt it today. It’s unfortunate in a lot of ways.
Talia was there too. She was genuinely happy for me. I believe our encounter on the bridge of the Lady-G was inspiring for her. As she had left me a personal gift, though I haven’t come to decode the culture meaning behind it, I am quite sure it’s important and meaningful. I must have really made an impression to this Andorian woman. Although my next days will be jammed packed with preparations for my new rank, and cleaning up my damn quarters from the tribble prank my old Starfleet Roomate Meranda pulled on me. I really must make the effort to do something extra nice, or set a time for socializing.
While standing among the crowed that were clapping, and patting me on the shoulder I really became disoriented. Such events really dully my senesces and I even though I caught a glimpse of Captain Frost arriving late for event even though he had responded to the invitation as being preoccupied with important starship matters. Squeezing this in was very sweet of him. He too I’ll have to give a little extra attention too.
While my hazing due to Meranda’s prank whooshed me away to find my room littered with Tribbles, I didn’t even have chance to throw myself a after party. Though I was able to enjoy some time in my ship’s officer’s lounge with my father and mother sharing our thoughts about my advancement over some hot green tea. Then I had too sleep on my ready room couch while my entire engineering corp cleaned out the tribble infestation.
However almog an the wonderful things that was said to me, and about me that night. I cannot help to feel disappointed about one thing. Laurel wasn’t there to see my ascension. Of course there certainly was an excusable reason for such, I truly believe, but still the one friend I really wanted to be there wasn’t around. My heat tells me things between us may have changed since her and Mathias were put apart by Admiral Valoura’s forced reassignment of her ship, and then later Admiral Mathia’s to another fleet.
I wonder if she harbors resentment towards me about. If she did it would be sure to be a very, very sad day for me. While I am sure others would tell me I was being over critical and insecure. I can really only wonder. Her career never panned out properly after she had become involved with the previous admiral. She was passed over for permoition twice, and never given the Chief Medical Officer Task. Though I did all I could do to warn her she choice emotional attachment over her career. Truelly a sad story. Despite all that I only wish her well.
So. Here I am. Captain Honda, even my father has to salute me now. He does so happly. It's best I get to bed. I have an early start tomorrow.
Computer End Log.
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 21:58:59 GMT -5
Star Date: 88298.20 Personnel: Captain Honda Location: USS Ayanami Title of Log: Patrol Mission A
Captain's Log,
This evening was beyond my understanding. I have ran 100s of briefings for missions that Star Fleet command have passed down or other fleet commands have requested. This evenings mission briefing involving Lt Alcur's and assingent refusal came at a surprise. While this mission wasn't tatcial by nature the Lieutenant was very difficult to moivate. Not only along with him but Captain Parker too question the pramatores causing a direct disruption in he chain of comand.
It was surreal, I couldn't believe officers, my officers, out right challgening tasks handed to us to bring aid thousands of colonist and to assist allies among the crippiled Romulan Star empire, at he same time search for more clues to the weapons being constucted by the extremest leader Empress Selena.
Then to be accused of being a war monger as if I had issued orders to planetary bombard cities of a peaceful world. As if I was violating the Prime Directive or issuing criminal orders. I fail to see where prime directive or ethics fall in the face of clear and present danger when considering the weapons that the extremist leaders are developing.
Yet we are to ignore it in the face of old treaties that have long since been dead and violated by Reimen bullies, and Romulan War Lords. There is no telling how far this new self proclaimed empress will go to control all her rivals and place blame on the empires oldest rival, the Federation.
I am completely disappointed in Lt Alcar conduct. As it has become less and less productive in terms of military behavior. Then I can't but to believe this was some plot to challenge my authority as a new made Captain. In conjunction with today's efforts and Lt Alcar's demeanor at my promotion ceremony perhaps he is harboring resentment towards me in the believe my promotion was undeserved.
Then there was Captain Parker he of all officers should be in the know in terms of what the operations of starbase 39 and previous missions carried out by other Commanding Officers of the Daedalus Mobile Fleet. Not to mention utter betrayal my trust in his comradery to insight a disruption of if command ion front of Junior Officers. Setting a poor example, and embarrassing me in front of my troop.
Although all this seemed so out of character for Captain Parker a Commanding Officer even Lt Ti'Agira was astoundingly surprise to see questioning of orders that no one has questioned prior to my promotion. Perhaps he too has found resentment in my forth pip.
In all my out rage as I was embarrassed and accused of vile and derogatory ethics for doing my job and out right challenged on my day view as a Captain in Starfleet. On grounds of ethically questionable orders that have no merit in terms of the prime directive litigation or actions that will violate no laws of humairty that haven't been clearly dismissed by the radical regime that controls core of the fragmented romulan empire.
Parker accuses Admrial T'Nae for making efforts to provoke war yet she has ready issued challenges to rid her empire's sworn enemies in the believe that federation blood will solve her nations problems, to me that sounds like Earth's Germany in 1938. When the only the thing preventing open war and a second front is the romans inability to become organized.
Now I am to embarrass the fleet before Admrial Donaldson's Commanding Officers as the fleet had a failure in it's ability to operate. I can only feel shameful to how this had to turn out. A complete failure on my part to conduct my job as promise to do at my ceremony, and that my first Task as Captain in Starfleet had to turn into a legal bout where advocates will have to battle disciplinary actions.
What a sicking mockery of The Chain of Command!
-long pause and a grunting sigh-
With all this I intend to see that this out right display of disobeying orders and Lt Alcar's smug addituid he has had since my ceremony be stomped out or end with the removal of his Command.
End Log.
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:03:04 GMT -5
Captains Personal Log:
Seems the we are forced to remain in limbo until we learn more about what the playing field look like. At the moment most our contacts have gone silent. A ominous gloom left on myself and my command staff. Feels like our enemies are attempting to box us in.
However, with the Aktuh and it's state of the art cloaking device moving unseen will be much easier. Its with this edge over of enemies that may see what the next attack maybe like.
However life goes on the Ayanami as we remain stationary. I must say however with the division of our command staff between the Aktuh's bridge and ours things are a little more lonely around here.
Very shorty commander joy and her crew will have to depart too check out some leads. I have decided to transfer two of the tri-cobalt torpedoes to her command only to be used with the absolute dire situation or under my explicit orders.
It was also Werner's birthday today. How I forgot is beyond me. Apparently since I replaced my padd the event planner data was never updated. Then to forget totally.... -sighs- I ll have to put sone effort in how to damage control this.
Lt Commander Rendino at every turn has exposed her continue support for me and extended hand of friendship. Typically my response are cold, and generic, inless the officer is hot guy. Though, with vacancy that laurel has left with me. My emotions, my heart forces me towards filling the space. continually she has defeated my efforts to be distant as if becoming my friend is one of the challenges she seeks.
Though I really enjoyed our late night this evening. I also ended up sharing some of my more intimate secrets with her. While it seems so foolish it was refreshing. It made me feel like a teen again gossiping about the boys.
I am told Liz likes art or more accuretly has quite a gallery. I find myself hopping that she will invite me to see it.
[END LOG]
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:03:21 GMT -5
Captains's Personal Log Stardate: 88233.88
The events of last night's mission has left me with profound grief. It was a dangerous mission one that all the science went wrong. The death of my dearest friend weighs heavily on my shoulders.
Admiral Spenta once told me these things get easier as they are an everyday occurrence on a starship mission. The relationship I had with Master Cheif Werner although Professional was a close one. The transporter Chief beamed Commander Dulan out under the report that she was Injured. Commmander Dulan's report states facts of the countary. Werner sacrificed his life to ensure that Commander Dulan had a chance. There is no end to the amount of courage it takes to accept death face first. Everyone who has anything to say about this can only summarizes his actions as noble and courages.
The shuttle broke apart right after miss Dalun was transported aboard. Leaving us no time for one more transport. I can only imagine the mental state my XO finds herself now. Though she like I must carry the burden of command has to accept this as it is part of our job to decide who goes on the dangerous missions.
We are currently bound for Starbase 39 as we close the gap in distance I'm faced with the difficult task of hosting his memorial. A part of me really wished I took his retirement request seriously. Though at the same time Joy would be dead then. There no taste more bitter then choosing between your friends who has to die. I hate it, it is likely I'll always hate it.
Among all the adventures I've had with Mr Winterhagen I now have to sum him up in a few sentences before men.
[End Log]
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:03:45 GMT -5
Captain's Personal Log Stardate:88265.50
I find the adjustment to my new command going smoothly enough, while all the duties are not much different then what I am used too, this ship is as foreign to me as any new boyfriend would be. She is different in meany aspects, such as size, intelligence, lay out and I'm sure the list can go on.
I remember my first day on the Ayanami and my very inexperienced bridge crew struggled with the differences. The experience is very smilier however as I watch my bridge crew do there jobs it seems Elizabeth has adapted the quickest. She is dancing about her bridge console, and between her science lab like she had been at her post for years. Though Liz strikes women who is as flexible as water and can adapt to anything very quickly. Certainly has proven that quality doze n times over. I admire that detail about her most.
Miss Chen has welcomed the change as well. Though she strikes me as an engineer that only cares about the state-of-the-art technology and the Okinami certainly does't disappoint in that department.
Our newest editions De'silva has been developing a soild relationship with the crew and Miss Dalun specifically. Though I am one to look the other way when it comes to romance between officers under my command. I have to wonder if Miss Dalun has the discipline to keep feelings off he bridge. Personally I have never been one to carry a serious relationship with a collugue. I have always found that kind of commitment distracting to my duty and quality of work. I can only hope Miss Dalun multi-tasks better then I in this capacity.
Dr Proloc is as much a mystery to me as blackmatter. He quiet, reserved, and seems like he has a life time of experiences beyond just his profession. I gusse I'll need more time to learn about him.
The new master chief and I have shared very few words. Though such is typical for a officer and an Non-Officer. In some ways I still sore with the loss of Werner and I'm not interested in traveling down old paths. Somthing tells me the new chief don't care much beyond orders and task when it come to the ship. So it works it's selfout.
Lt Murai has been on my mind lately. It seems the advance training has caused her a more problems then it solved. I noticed the difference the first day she reported in. I silently fear if I had made a mistake in sending her for that caliber of training. That the training may have damaged her in some way. Then I wounder if she's taking personal responsibility for wetness death. She is a complicated girl and holds all her stress in her chest. Rarely does she complain, at lest not openly, and she is task focused a quality I have come depend on. Yet she is distancing herself away from the crew. It is in my experience that action leads a transfer request, or laps in fatal error.
I ran into Captain Hann at starfleet command in between meetings. Our conversation was short but pleasant. As many of our conversations are. I do wonder though how pleasant he would be if I came out and told him about Belar and I. Though that seemed like such old news now. In fact Belar was supposed to meet me on Risa but he never came. Just as well though i suppose, I don't need any complications at this time. Still I can't stop fancying about Tanaka as he is always seems to say things that make so much sense or so meaningful.
I find myself looking at the photo I have displayed on my dest of Laure, Werner and myself. I can describe how much I miss them. I wish things were different. That they were here with me again and that we'd all be meeting up for drinks tonight. Yet they are gone and I am alone. I have nothing left but a picture and some very fond memories.
A few weeks back Joy comforted me about how I deal with my personal relationships. Although I know she was geniuanly consired about my wellness when it comes to being lonely. I didn't really want to talk about it. Though I was polite and tried to explain to her why things are the way the are in my life. That adding a man in my life would only cause more complication and unneeded distraction. It didn't make sence to her. Yet as much as she has life times of experiences to give in advice she doesn't carry he burden I do.
I am a Starship Captain given the responsibility to see my ship, my crew and the mission to success. One wrong choice can spell out doom for my crew and myself. Although I have come to love my job, it is a budren, my curse, my blessing. I cannot fault Miss Dalun for not identifying with this. She isn't part of that Command Culture, as such she don't share the values of that community. Not like Hann does anyways.
I didn't swing by to visit my father. I just didn't want to. More over I didn't want to see this cadet he's been courting. That thought just turns my stomach . I just can't accept the illresponsanble decision he has made.
Well, tomorrow Admiral T'Nae has one more mission for our fancy little ship. It seems she has had ship as reliable and advance as the Okinami in her command in years. Hopefully we can get this mission completed quickly. The faster the better too, I want to put as much distance between me and that sinister race known as Romulans. I never trusted them, nor will I ever. Torture was something that earth had given up for centuries. The Romulans call it an art.
Well we will see. Computer end log.
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Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:03:58 GMT -5
Captain's Personal Log,
Things are slowly being restored on the Okinami Computer Network. It was this morning that my personal files had been restored. I am happy that is out of the way. It's been very difficult to draftees with out my archive od J-Pop.
Commander Alcar has joined my crew and as in with he past he is a long winded as ever. It is my concern that an awkward situation my brew since Miss Dulan and Alcar were romantically involved in the past. To make matters worst, Joy and her new interest are serving here on the Okinami. I can only imagen what kind of drama this is going to develop into.
I have been comsidering the questions about romantic relationships in the workplace. As I read Anthropologically military hierarchy structure that defines roles with responsibility, accountability, and structure. Romantic relationships undermine this system. Then I have to wonder if what i have with Tanaka falls into that category, perhaps It does, perhaps it don't.
Hann has been on my mind alot lately. Liz has been ever so nosey. I went to the Accadamy to lay it out on the table for Tanaka. The results were heart wrenching as we didn't even have to say the words. Our emotioanal were in sync. He said what I wanted to here, he touche me in the way I wanted to be touched, and he understood me the way I wanted to be understood. Yet he picked duty before me. I felt foolish. Foolish that I thought it would be different. The results were disappointing and I blamed Liz. Typically I understand duty because had the situation been flipped I'd be the one breaking hearts.
The days that followed seemed to be the loneliest. I reflected the results based on my experiences and I felt cheated again. My father constantly picked his unformed over I and my mother. During he earliest parts of my life I was influenced with the opinions that his work was noble, his work was Important. I never resented my father until recently. Until i started to develop feelings for my beloved.
I look back now and I understand why I've avoided commitments after Alexs death. First it was about grief and moarning that went with the death. Then my needs were grew hungry and I saught fligs and one nighters, weekend boy friends to satisifie the needs. That went on pretty well for years. Boy friends came and went never staying long enough to get attached, or to develop real feelings. I focused the rest of my attentions on my career making ever effort to chase my fathers star.
Then I realized that this was how it had to be. I was never giving up my command, not for anyone, and the chair and he forth pip became my signifgent other. I was conten with that. As a result my vacations were shameless. I even had little black book of men I used to see on Risa. The arrangements were simple and kept me from being totally destracted from my career. It also prevented me from making my father's mistakes.
Nothing was more defining for me I had learned he was seeing a student. It sickened me and again I reflected about his choices. How he put us second and now that his career was an end he goes and picks up some youthful cadet kicking us his family to the curb. I don't think I ever want to forgive him. It's hard.
Then Hann came into my life. He like the others was to be temporary. The sex wasn't even that thrilling now that I think back on that. Yet some how he slipped beyond to give me more. His cool and calm persona, his ability to bring me balance and touch me in ways I couldn't have wondered. Then things got serious while he was on the Ayanami. I turned began to put distance between himand myself for over a year. I even took the initiative to have a fling with an ex boy friend in an effort to devalue what we had. That blew up in my face because no matter how hard krim thrusted all I could think about was Tanaka. It made me feel empty, it made me feel lonely, as the months went on I came to terms with that time would drown these feelings of mine. Elizabeth Rendino had much to say about that.
My dear friend pushed and pried into me for over six months to quit the silent treatment. The other week when I was quarantined and my chair taken from me because of an infection. I had started to consider what exactly I was without my chair, my ship, my command. Then I felt lonelier then I had ever felt in my life. Those long medical leave hours where the toughest of my life. When Liz came to see me in the morning I cracked under he pressure as she had made a very good point. She told me my command was a timer ticking away day by day. She said one day I'll have no command but if I act now I'll have Tanaka. It made so much sense to me then that ran to find Hann to finally confess. When I found him and learned about another separation that he was choosing a mission over me. I was hurt. Although hurt all his actions fostered my lobe for him. I wanted hurt him, provoke him into a fight so I could write him off. So I can finally say I tried To Liz bu it did t work out, so leave me alone. Though moving cracked Tanka. It was as if he had antispates my evey move. I tried to through my unfaithful actions in his face. His response was care. When I had nothing left but to cry my eyes out he comforted me. Then he was gone like an Samurai off to fight for his emperor. I'll never forget the picture of his back and the sun set as he walked away from me. It made me feel like I wanted nothin to do with feelings anymore. We were separating again, this time I had no idea what to expect. It was like reliving Alex's departure all those years ago.
I had decide then that I was back to square one. I was facing the same crap that I had figured out almost 10 years ago. That no matter what, the chair the fourth pip will always be before me. Just like... My father did to me and my mother. I had decide to let the separation dissolve us into memories. I had wanted too have another fling I even looked up some old boy friends of mine. Except Liz had made my feelings her business.
I was upset with Liz alot. I had even contemplated remind f her her role on this ship. That her relationship with me was beyond professional for he two of us. I wanted to smash her and hurt her. So that she would understand what she was doing to me. When she had came to my ready too. I had every intentions to kill the friendship on one climatic thrust.
I couldn't. As angry as I became, I couldn't bring myself to that. Yet I was so close too. I had taken the offensive, I had reslorted to shouting. Then as she fed my plasma fire with antimatter, I had her cornered with no points left but to repeat herself. I was about throw her out the room, I was about to send her to the bottom of the duty roster. Whatever it would take to make her hate me. Then fate took a other turn.
Tanaka called me. We spoke sweet words to one another and he had divulged some information to me about decisions he was going to make. He wanted to give up his command turn to the core of engineers as a job. As perk I am sure I know, it would place him next to me more often. Almost a dream come true. Now I sit here wondering how long it will be before I am in his arms again. How long will it he before we can share this passion for one another openly. How long will it be before in can correct my mistake of turning my back to him after we finished being intimate instead of snuggling upon him and falling asleep on his perfect belly. I hope it's sooner then later.
Computer, end log... [End Log]
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