|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:04:05 GMT -5
Captain's Personal Log Stardate: 88338.32
I had a nightmare the other night. It was rather disturbing yet quite clear. The dream stacked all the fears in my life into one scare No Win Scenario. The memories of the dream were so vivided too that even this evening they still remain with me. I could begin to tell you how releaved I was when I awoke. The stress seems to be getting to me and command isnt an easy job. That in it's self could haunt someone in there dreams. I read on the ships database that 90% of dreams aren't ever remembered. I could only wonder what nightmares I may be having un-be-known to myself. In rather case this one scared me last night.
Everything was so real even the buring computer smell. I think that was one of the things that stood out vividly as I recall the dream's events. It is no secret for any captain to worry about losing control of there discipline o. The bridge. Though with the scarey power that the Raiders weld in weapons I was convinced I watched Tanaka and his crew parish. I shut down on the bridge gave up on my crew. Slipped into a black void that I couldn't escape from. Then voices calling me, expecting me to have the answers, the decisions that decied who lives and who dies. Hundreds of voices calling to me in various ways that all in could do was hold my head and scream stop over and over.
Then I woke up. I don't quite know what to do. I suppose then distance between Hann and Is working as well as I would like, or rather others.
Doctor Proloc had some interesting insight on situtation and his opinions didn't differ all that much from Liz's. However I have to wonder would I really shut down in the face of my belove's death?
If so, will my weakeness be at the cost of my crew, my ship, my career?
I don't have the answers to theses questions. I do know the longer I and Tanaka are apart the harder this road will become. The easier it would be to turn my attention to something more immediate. Liz would call it cowardly, but cant she see the weight that this bears on my tiny shoulders?
The nightmare only serves as a reminder of the risk involved in our relationship. To make matters more complicated I haven't felt like this about someone since Alex. Tanaka finds his way to my thoughts frequently in my day. Often in such a detracting way that I have to push my paper work off on Joy. Many things cause me to spend time thinking about his well being. If he's taking good care of himself or if he's safe. Sometimes I find myself starring out he window wondering if he's doing the same.
I swore to myself after Alex was burried that this mistake wouldn't be made again. Now here I am 10 years later forced to endure the risk. But the most daunting task is waiting for him to be done with his mission. Mission I am even cleared to know the details, all I know is that it's secret, and important enough to back door rotation menuver. All for the "greater good".
Well he can feed that pack of shit to an Ensign that don't know any better. Tanaka, Myself, Talia all did our part. I think it's time that Bastard of an Admrial looks beyond his weakness to inspire some new leadership then to pull backhanded deeds. All rules apply to everyone else but him. Why? Because he belongs to another time of outdated and obsolete values. Im sick of that mentality. I have yet to lodge my formal complaint to Brain Donaldson but it is on the List of things to do. Although its those same values that my crew depended on for surveil during our mess with the Admiral Valoura Impostor. Had I know what kind of Sacrifice Tanaka must make yet again, or what dangerous Task he and his new crew must face, I would have put my career on the line then to sign that deal. The thought of Tanaka having to pay for a favor that was granted to me, not only unfair but obtuse.
Although as they say a cigar is just a cigar. No matter how I hash it Tanaka, myself, we all have a serious job to do. That doesn't make feel any better, nor does it make me miss Tanaka any less.
I've taken up Doctor Prolc's advice to get my mind off this rut tomorrow afternoon Liz and I are going on a Halodate. I'm looking forward to going on a Action Adventure with my best friend.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:04:27 GMT -5
(what Nyoko's log would be if given a chance to make one.)
Captain's Personal Log: Stardate: 88338.90
I have become a a captive of a Romulans special operations working covertly in the Deferi Sector. I was snagged by a transporter beam while apprehending a Romulan spy posed as Ambassador T'lan. Another phenomena is that I've learned that Ensign Steel a member of my crew has been Held captive as well on this vessel for several weeks. Leaving me with the unsettling thought of a copy Rich Steel has been planted to attain detail look of our ship's systems.
Things are quite a mess. I fear that I will be subjected to interrogation and all the dark Romulan methods that my include. So far Mister Steel has said they've only roughed him up. If that is all they have available then I believe I will be able to hold out until an escape option presents it's self or The Okinami rescue me. I do have some concerns though for Ensign Steel as he seems unable to focus or stable emotionally. He has also been drugged, it seems I must be ready for that type of abuse. As for Mister Steel I must show a solid, hard front if he is to survive this situation with any sanity. I hope I have that strength.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:04:38 GMT -5
Personal Log: Stardate: 88842.68
The new Ayanami is performing with excellent results. The amount of fire power it has makes the old Ayanami clearly a relic of a simpler time. Yet as walk down the halls the interior lay out is so similar. Yet the details are different. For example my quarters are vastly different then hey had been on the old Ayanami.
We have rondavous with the USS Independence and I attended my debrefing and turned over the Omega Partical data. As that business I finally had the oppertunity to speak to Captain Hann and express some of the feelings that have been put on hold over the last year we've been apart. I cannot stop thinking about how proud he is being the commander of my fleet's flag ship. I reflect abit on my own career and consider my own achievements and I have to admit I don't think I'd ever hav the paients for such responsibilities. The amount of people it takes to coordinate any ship function would just be a daunting task day in and day out. No I like my mid-sized starship. Fast, nimble and boy does it have a bite.
It's become clear feelings between I and Tanaka are serious. I cannot deny that any longer and the question of what to do next. Our lives are so very complicated just to ask him to move in with me. Ha!
Yet the small short amount of time we had to share some of affection has locked my mind on him during all hours of the day. I find myself sometimes say dreaming at my desk about activist I look forward to sharing with him. Then I have to force myself to get back to work. I've decided to share with Liz the details of all this. Perhaps that will help with the day dreaming. I hope that we will have time some personal time together soon instead of hiding in the science lab and making our during my debrefing. Then getting caught! Goodness It felt like I was junior officer again.
My staff has experienced some changes made by Fleet Command. I haven't been to thrilled with the reassignment of Erys. When she came aboard she quickly became part of the family. She had become our little sister. Her history in starfleet had been questionable with sex scandals and the falsified reports pertaining to illegal dealings on her first deep space assignment. Although the inquires were never closed I remember prejudging the girl.
I remember the first time she reported in and that I gave her a sharp and cold greeting. I kept her a attention the entire meeting. I wasn't happy with the transfer, and I didn't need her complications on the ship. In had hopped that my sharp treatment would force her into requesting a transfer. I had even stuck her on the third shift to make it uncomfortable for her. None of this discouraged her. Instead she continued to stick it out and grow. She made friends and made quite an impression on the other senior staff. Commander Dalun specifically. When Lt Cyric went MIA on a mission I was left with a large vacancy in my crew. After an few shots of sake and some j-pop it only made sence to permote Murai.
In the recent years I had begin to notice her potential for command. I made it a point to take her under my wing and to start training her for command duties. Giving her added responsibility, extra work, and trying to protect her from her troubled start in Starfleet.
Now I'm told she has been reassigned due to her specialized tactical training. In away I has wished I had recommended her for Command School. Though such is the way of service. I have placed Steel in her place and given him a field commission. I can only hope that Erys hand learn something from me and that her experience under my command will strengthen her career.
Murai isn't one to be sentimental in fact I'm sure she'd had just snuck off the ship if I hadn't caught her at the transporter to see her off. I wanted to give her a bug and tell her to keep safe. I didn't. We shook hands and she saluted during beam out.
Well then. I believe I must get going. I have science officer to give a hard time to for waking me up early this morning.I also have a lot to "dish" with her about Tanaka.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:04:57 GMT -5
Honda's Personal Log Stardate: 91880.47
It's been a several years since I've record one of these.
Ayanami’s new crew is refreshing renewal to life. I find myself feeling young again yet I must be the most experience officer aside some of the NCO’s that have been with the ship name from my prior command, and Commander Matalizka. Although they don’t think I hear, I know they are calling me “The Old Lady.” A term I hope they mean out of respect, but time will tell.
Ayanami’s functioning well. They two years in space dock has given ample time to work out all the various systems. The ship is ready but the crew is green. They need guidance, discipline, and experience. I look forward to giving that to them. I look forward to journeying with them as there guide.
I’ve decided to put on my Command Uniform for my next shift. It will be the first time I’ll clearly be marking my rank as Admiral. Other Captains have been wearing uniform with the white shoulders I’ve tried it on earlier this evening and I can say I’m liking the new material. Quite a different take from past years uniforms but: I like these new ones.
When I am not preoccupied with the thoughts of Command and Task Force Strategy, I find myself thinking about my daughter at home. I hope that I can make it home in time for her first real sentences. I know my mother will be teaching her Japanese. I’m alright with that, there Is plenty of time for her to learn Federation Basic. The pictures on my desk help a great deal and I look forward to the calls home.
Yet I see Tanaka’s face in her every time I look upon her or lose myself studying her picture on the desk. I must admit the fling that occurred on Risa has done nothing to make me feel better or allow me to move forward with my emotional feelings. I suppose it has to do with how unavailable Jax was and although it seemed to have worked that weekend.
Would it really work long term? Experience tells me that it’s unlikely. Jax is in a lot of pain, the pain caused by situation that anyone with any Starfleet experience would say to avoid. Although he is a bright, charm, and handsom young man, I am certain there is no space for me in his life. Nor would dating his Admiral would bring any measure of simplicity to his career decisions, or his life for that matter. I am genuinely sorry for his loss. I can only hope he works through his pain and move beyond Liz and find someone that will give him the completion that Mara did.
Looking back on it all, Tanaka and I have been on and off for over seven years. The two of us met on Starbase 39 the eve before battle, when the Romulans attempted to sack the starbase to disrupt our efforts to assist Obesek. It was after my captivity among the Romulans whom and we were just Captains at the tim, talking about home, and family, and likeness that we shared. Talia introduced us back then when she was young and experienced cruiser commander with no shortage of courage.
When we were able to get our feelings straight for one another, we found a completeness that I have never experienced with other men before. Although that weekend with Jax was fun, it wasn't anything on the level of connection that Tanaka and I have shared in our time together. I doubt jax and I will be able too find the time to peruse anything more meaningful.
We sure know how to waste time that man and I. Yet I can’t help but to admire his patients. I wonder if he’s moved on. If these two years has allowed him to find another woman to help him fill the space I was unwilling too. If I hurt him in way where becoming involved with another was impossible and he focused solely on his work. I know Captain Talia still speaks to him yet, I find myself unsure if I wish to reconnect with him yet. It must be the shame that holds me back. It is a great burden that I bear and challenge I deal with. I am unsure if I would be happy to hear if there was someone else or not. In a way I feel it to be justifiable punishment for my choices. My feelings are clear, lessons have been taught. I suppose all there is left to tell Tanaka is that I'm sorry.
I cannot help but to think him, when I think about Yuna. I also wish Beth was here to dish too though this personal log will have to do.
Everything is quiet so far on our Patrol of the Old Natural Zone so far. Maybe we’ll get lucky and things will remain such. For now I think I’ll play the violin a little before bed.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:05:07 GMT -5
Admiral’s Personal Log Stardate: 91881.71
I have been presented with serious decision to consider. The skirmish this afternoon with the Klingons could cause a serious political friction. Then again – I don’t believe I am complete in the wrong. We all operate in gray areas as Starship Captains. Although Ayanami responded to a distress call with in its right we were attacked by Klingon Militants. It was impossible to avoid conflict as the Klingon captains involved were committed to combat on the level in which they were willing to RAM us for.
In addition to this, Admiral Stalworth for reasons not disclosed had instructed me to avoid filing a report. My initial reaction was disobeying this suggestion. I do not do well with dishonesty. If lying has taught me anything it has only hurt me in the past. My personal relationships have suffered because of it and the Man I had come to love has been severed from me because I chose to lie.
No. I will be honest. I am filing my report as actions taken in an effort to investigate a distress call and the destruction of Klingon Property a result of Klingon Aggression and unwillingness to negotiate. My gut tells me we are on to something big. Something that is seriously illegal on both sides. It seems I find myself in the position to uncover a scandle yet again.
I will need all the details I can get. My only lead now is that Orion Operative that we rescued from the Klingons. I must attempt to determine her origins, and learn who she is working for and what the bigger picture is behind the various politics that have been hidden behind the New Klingon Treaty.
To compound matters- Mitchell has been killed in the line of duty during our rescue operation. The loss has hit me in sharp way. I sacrificed the life of a long standing member. A friend, and good solider. He will be missed. I cannot cheapen his death by sweeping it under the rug.
My regrets go to the Klingon Captains that challenged me and my crew to combat. But I must be ready to meet lethal force with lethal force. I wish there had been another alternative. We certainly live in dangerous times where no one can be certain as to how a Klingon Captain will react.
I’ll have to contact Meranda soon and inform her of the prisoner we’ve recovered from the distress call. Something tells me this Orion Girl might be double agent. I need to disclose all the details to Meranda. For now – I must prepare myself for Mitchell’s service.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:05:25 GMT -5
Honda’s Personal Log Stardate: 92030.96
The Battle of Qronos has left the crew with deep feelings. The destruction, the death, has us all questioning what it is we really do as Starfleet Officers. Yet I try to set an example that the uniform has high meaning then meeting martial force with martial force. That the undine we’ve slain in battle are every bit … “human” as I am.
As a leader of the fleet, commander of this vessel I cannot help but to reflect on my own understand of what it must be like for the Undine. In Advance Tactical training they’ll tell you this is useless. Then again Advance Tactical Training trains warriors not leaders. Long gone are those days where the mission and orders were all that this officer considered.
For me? I cannot help but to see the Undine much like my very own culture 500 years ago. The Japanese were dominating force in the world and rose to power with superior believes that they were the master race. So fanatical in there believes they even came to worship there leadership as gods among men. The brutality they exacted on there neighbors was astounding. They swept the Pacific part of the world unchecked with the believe of being the master race.
So feared by the Western Powers that a War in Asia would be task they were unable to take on. The United States found justification for Earth’s first deployment of Atomic weaponry. The consequences of nuclear weaponry would be something that would plague the Japanese people for almost century after. Yet some may argue it was necessary to break the Japanese resolve. My opinions are otherwise.
As I reflect on these past mistakes. I cannot help but to wonder if we the Federation 500 years later are facing this same situation. A foe so distantly cultured, so vastly resolute in there believes much like the Japanese were fighting for what they considered their own survival. What has made the undine so fanatical? The fighting will continue until one cannot stand and submits. Yet each foe I slay, is someone’s father, or mother, brother, or sister.
Commander De’kiren seems to find it an easy task to de-sensation himself to these details. To him they are monsters. A threat to the security of the Federation. Of course they are. It is why I assigned myself to the war effort.
Though it became clear to me during the debriefing as to what he considered appropriate and what I and Anja considered horrific. Apparently in Commnader De’kiren’s spare time as hobbyist theoretically engineers weapons with the right scale and capability of mass destruction. In his opinion should be congratulated as it was that ingenuity that saved us all. Yet dismissing the moral complications of designing weapons of this caliber as need for survival.
I find my feelings very different and his arrogance in this instances very offensive. I suppose his opinions of me aren’t that much better. I likely appear weak and have clouded judgment in the face of what he considers mathematical equation of power and lives saved. Fortunately for me. I’m the Admiral, and he’s the Lt Commander. So his opinions don’t’ count and we’ll do it my way from now on. All his data will be seized by Security and submitted too Command for proper review and allocation. No exceptions.
Still I cannot help but reflect after our alteration. My culture’s warriors, the Samurai have been a value of mine since I was a little girl living in Okinawa. I would read about them, talk to my mother about them and try to understand what it was that made them so special that they were the ruling class of Japan for more than 2000 years. Anyone who has studied the Samurai will be able to tell you that the Bushido was the core values that separated a Samurai from a commoner.
Bushido has been guide all my life. It incorporates the best virtues of a human. A combination of frugality, loyalty, martial arts mastery, honor unto death. It was meant to temper the violent existence of the samurai to be tempered by wisdom and serenity. As Starfleet Captain and now as Flag Officer, I’ve seen the need more than ever for Bushido. Without it- because of the difficulties times of war. I would be no better than those who count the numbers of the dead a measurement of success and find resolve in this chaotic neutral nature.
Bushido outlines the virtues that every Samurai warrior must exhibit. A Klingon Warrior would find these all as familiar as would an Adnorian. Yet both lack what I consider the most important part of Bashido. A crucial virtue that makes them different. Benevolence.
It is benevolence that allows the healing between combatants. The Understanding that when we fight at war it is a professional business, not personal. It is this virtue that reminds me that the Undine are people too. That there is a path back to main road to the core humane concepts of society. It is what allowed the Samurai not to turn into brutal savages and to retain control of the brutal psychological conditions that there profession made them live all their lives.
Bashido is how I avoid insanity of war.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 24, 2014 22:05:32 GMT -5
Honda’s Personal Log Stardate: 92077.32
I have enjoyed the most intimate night I have known in long while. Jax came to stay with me last night after the Klingon Celebration. He did everything I needed him to do. He messaged me with my favorite spa oil. We talked the entire time about everything and anything. Then I noticed while his hands where on me that- I find myself wanting to him to know me. Wanting him to be able to read me and understand my feelings, my emotions, and my thoughts. It has been a long time since man has been able to engage my on such an intimate level.
I am hurt. I have been hurting since the separation with Tanaka. It was easy at first because Yuna filled the void in my heart. Though as time goes on and I rebuild my career. I find myself angary with Tanaka. Oh of course I have list of reasons as to why. Then there’s Jackson; a wonderful, brilliant, young man whom finds himself completed by me in so many ways.
I reflect on why. What it is that makes me feel so happy these days. Am I in love with Jackson? I do not know. I am not sure if Love is so absolute like the stories illustrate. To a reader it seems simply description. Yet I cannot help but to feel different degrees of love. I know I have been in love a few times in my life. The first time was Alex. His death at the hands of Klingon Warrior was hard on me. It outlined to me back then years past when I was young officer that life was fragile. That eternal love was luxury a Starfleet Officer, No a soldier- was unable to afford. I came to believe that practicality was the key to being an exceptional solider. That there was no room for attachments and that sexual fling was just more manageable. After all we all are sum of our hormones and we all crave sexual contact. Coursing just seemed logical.
Then there was Tanaka. Whom like the others was to be just another fling. Yet I found him intuned with a special balance of heart and mind. He wasn’t just boy. He was man, a Japanese man who was handsome, dashing, intelligent and Starship Captain. He was my equal. I found him more attractive then I found any other man I’ve ever chosen to have in my bed. I took me by surprise and I was unprepared for him. You could say he swept me off my feet and despite all my flaws, the damage and pains I had experienced. He showed me meaning of love again.
I love Tanaka Hann. I’ve confessed this to Beth. To my mother, and both have pushed me to reconnect with him. I had considered it before I returned to Starfleet but then I met Jackson. I was faced with the opportunity to dull the pain for short time and I indulged. Beth Jokes that I cougar pounced on him since I’m way older then he is and a mother. Heh, I can only imagine what the crew thinks. They probably are calling me Jackson’s M.I.L.F. Though when I met Jackson I sensed he was in pain too. I knew about the death of his fiancée during mission, a Bajorn engineer whom worked directly under him. In that room when he invited me in, I decided to let go.
It had been the first time I had sex since I left Hann. The passion, the pleasure, the intimacy with Jackson made me forget how much pain I had been in. It was refreshing, it was something I desperately needed and Jax did too. It allowed us both to see that we had the ability to move forward. Then I was hurt. I had suspected there was something going on between him and Beth. Then when I heard him whisper her name to me I distanced myself from him and decided to label what we did was nothing more than a fling.
I was considering seriously making an effort to reconnect with Tanaka but, after all these years what would I told him? In a lot of ways I have nothing to say to him. Except that his daughter is beautiful baby and is growing well. How could we begin to trust one another after back stabbing each other in the manner we have. I suppose we’d have to be friends first again before we are able to start trusting one another again. Yet what would I say? I am not sorry so I am unable to apologize. He’s isn’t’ responsible for rescuing my career. The fact he hasn’t contacted me all this time has made it pretty clear that separation was an agreeable term.
But then Jackson made his way back into my life. He made an increasable effort to reach out to me. To convince me what we shares was more than just a fling. That it liberated him from the pains he had suffered, that my friendship was very important to him. It was clear that me being older and being a Flag Officer was something he had to overcome. Yet that night in my quarters while I was on my lay over on the Pilgrim, I took chance with him.
Then with the battle and the past week? Things have become serious between I and Jackson. I fear that I might have to choose between my old feelings for Hann, and the new ones I have developed for Jackson. Although things are very clear in terms of my feelings for Jackson. Tanaka is the father for my daughter. But- Does he understand me? Can I trust him? Do I want him around my daughter? At first keeping him from seeing her was my way of getting him back for not standing up for me. For not coming to my side when I truly needed him.
Beth believes I am over thinking it. She’s advise me to follow my heart. Though its quite clear that Jackson is in my life and not going anywhere. I suppose for now. That makes me happy. We had to part today The Pilgrim was pulled into a search and rescue mission for the Sentinal. I can only hope that Joy and her crew are alright. Jackson and I will be back together on Starbase 220 soon. I am looking forward to seeing him again. Once the Command meeting is completed. I’ll be official on Vacation. Although part of me just wants to live in his room for the next 6 weeks as a passenger of the Pilgrim. My heart is why my baby and I must go see to her needs.
I hope Jackson gets a chance to see me on my vacation at some point.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Aug 29, 2014 3:17:26 GMT -5
Honda’s Log Stardate: 92100.83
*Sighs* Where to begin,
Tanaka invited me to dinner tonight. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to attend. When I arrived he wasn’t’ present to receive me. It had set the tone for what I thought this trip was going to be like. That we weren’t going to see one another. I didn’t mind this too much. Then I thought about what Jax said and I needed to reconnect with Hann for the sake of my daughter if not at all for myself. It took me an hour to decide what to wear. I wasn’t sure if I should show up in a mini-dress, or my formal, or just my uniform. After while of going back and forth, I decided my skirt uniform. It hit the level of sexiness I was looking for but it should remind him of formalities. Plus I always love the boots that comes with skirt outfits.
I showed up five minutes late to dinner. Fashionably late for dinner dates and he was sitting there waiting for me. When I saw him I remembered how handsome he was. Calm and stoic and completely sure of himself. All the features of a fantastic captain of course, he’s fine Japanese man.
We started off with small talk. We touched all the more recent conversations, the recent battle, the loss of the Nimitz, my mission in the on the Klingon Front and more recently my diplomatic missions on Quronos. Majority of the dinner we tipped toed around the real problem, the problem that had kept us from speaking for almost two and half years.
Our food had just arrived when he finally got tired of the small talk. He had the computer turn off the active record so that we can speak in confidences. I knew it was time to face it after all this time. Tanaka came out and outlined the reasoning of why he abandoned the relationship. He said in order to protect me he adhered to Meranda’s request to stay away out of fear of an investigation. Though- I had already been fired by the time Tanaka learned what was going on. As for abandoning the command Brian had already transferred for him out of the fleet.
Yet I feel he hasn’t been completely honest with me. I know that he left out whatever emotional driven decisions he made. I was cut off from Starfleet for two years. When Pilgrim was lost? And Donaldson had left the fleet. There was no effort or attempt to get in touch with me or efforts to make amends to explain to me his positon. Something tells me Tanaka for while had wrote me off. Especially when I declared Yuna had no father.
Yet he was direct with me at the dinner. It even made me feel bad for him. Donaldson truly stole from him a great deal of happiness. Happiness I am unable to give him to him at this time. I have feelings for Tanaka but I am not sure if they are just old feelings, fond memories, or If I’m just feeling bad for him right now. If we were to be together to what kind of serious commitment could I give to him? I would be every bit of an absent wife to him as I am often an absent mother too my daughter because of my career. I truly don’t know how Beth does it, plus to complicate things theirs Jax now. I don’t know what exactly we’ll mature into but things are very good between us and he has become dear and personal friend of mine. Tanaka and I will have to learn to trust one another again. Though I am very grateful for what actions he has taken protecting the Ayanami from being traded for another vessel.
I decided that the only thing I can offer Tanka is my friendship. In that I wouldn’t deny him any right to see our daughter. So I granted his request and he came up with two pillows shaped as our starships the Nimitz and Ayanami. It was a cute gesture and it made me smile. Yuna already has a Thunderchild toy she plays with but pillows would be a nice touch to her crib. He asked me to give them to her but I told him that I wanted him to give them to her. So we agreed that he would spend some days with me at my Mother’s house to connect with Yuna. I know my Mother will be excited that Tanaka will be there. She has continually pressured me into setting things right with Tanaka.
Well. It’s late. It’s the first time this week I’m going to bed alone. I miss you Jackson.
Computer End log.
|
|
|
Post by Vice Admiral Nyoko Honda on Jun 17, 2015 20:59:10 GMT -5
Honda’s Log Stardate: 92423.68
It has been sometime since i last recorded one of these.The new job is demanding. I am being pulled in many direction though it isn't’ anything I am not able to handle. However truth be told I feel as If I’ve been put out to pastor. Starfleet says I am too valuable to risk on the front lines these days. As result I have been promoted out of my command and placed in command of Starbase.
Truth is I am unhappy with this. I think the Captain Spock said it best, “it was a mistake for you to accept promotion. Commanding a starship is your first best destiny”
Well. Here I am the first time of my life standing on the side lines watching. Being dead for three months has also wreaked havoc on my personal life. Jackson dumped our relationship, a burden of his command, and the inability to handle the loss. I don’t blame him too much really the Captain Job’s is lonely one. But at the same time I do feel slighted. I am of the firm believe you never stop loving someone. Things change of course making that love feasible or practical but it never goes away.
In the wake of all this mess. I always knew that Scott and I were doomed to failure. Although it was fun, and the sex as good, he could never satisfy my needs. Although I wish to believe differently, when I have stripped away all the things that have preoccupied my mind, all the the obstacles that have prevented me from settling down, It is clear to me now, more than ever, that Tanaka Hann is, and has been my one true love.
I had given it thought in the wake my breakup and I had decided, It was time be honest with him, and myself. I can only hope that he has been as patient as he always has been with me. We reconnected on transwarp receiver today. We spoke on a few things. Among them was my desire to come and see him, to be with him, and my daughter just the three of us. To be the family that my mother would be proud of. He agreed. Starships are lacking around at the moment around the station. I’ve decided to take runabout and make way back to Earth Spacedock for a few days leave. I feel I’ll need to do this soon, before my new job begins.
|
|