[Personal Log] Marcus Blaine
May 7, 2023 11:39:54 GMT -5
DGM Soft Kitty, Lieutenant jg Ezri Tegan, and 1 more like this
Post by Cmdr Marcus Blaine on May 7, 2023 11:39:54 GMT -5
“Personal log, stardate… yeah, I’m not going to look it up. I think it’s the seventh of May, 2427. I’m really not a log keeping guy; it was hard enough to get used to making regular captain’s logs, and now my counselor wants me to start this one. I doubt I’ll remember to keep up with it, I’m pretty bad with that sort of thing, but it’s worth a shot. Regardless I want there to be documentation of the non-mission stuff, just in case everything explodes gloriously in my face so that someone a lot smarter than I am can figure out how to undo whatever comes of it.
“I visited Nyz’s old temple the other day, the one she set up in the Dark’s name when we first brought her to the Citadel years ago. I guess I just… hell, I don’t know exactly why I went. Niaev mentioned it a few nights earlier and maybe that planted the idea in my head. Maybe I just needed to think about that time in the past and the choices I made that’ve lead to that whole complication. Maybe my reasons don’t really matter, because I think she would’ve found a way to get me there no matter what.
“The Dark is in her temple on the Citadel. She wouldn’t admit her identity to me until the second time I went, but unless all those sessions with that brain-melting Nirizean bitch have made me go batshit crazy then I’m sure that it’s her. Thing is, she’s claiming she’s not the Dark that we’ve fought against, but I guess she’s supposed to be a fragment of her that managed to be redeemed years ago by letting Nyz be saved when she nearly died bringing us back through that mural. That she’s the side of the Dark that Nyz loved and worshiped, and who was actually worthy of that devotion. The Dark that, if she’s to be believed, wants the Apostates committing horrors in her name to face an equally terrible karmic retribution.
“Oh, did I mention that she claims only I can currently see her? I asked her to explain why and she gave me what was basically a few references to things I have never heard of, and which she knows I’ve never heard of. So at least she’s still consistently a bitch, just in different frequencies of bitchiness. Unless I can get someone else to verify that she’s actually there, though, I’m just a guy who recently went through a traumatic event and is now seeing and hearing things. Not exactly a report I can bring to the Admiral yet, not if I want to be taken seriously. I’m going to keep working on it; even if she’s only a fragment of the Dark, she’s got a lot to offer us in terms of intel, not to mention the options that might open up if she could one day be seen and heard by the Apostates. That is, if she can be trusted. While Eirene wouldn’t have let her in if this was a trick being played by the more well-known Dark, skepticism is healthy. She’s mindblowingly powerful, but no one is perfect.”
There was a long pause and a clink of ice on glass before Blaine continued to speak.
“I have a few theories on why she picked me. Nyz is the obvious answer, but maybe it’s deeper than that. I mean, didn’t I sort of fragment myself in my own way when I left Dolonna behind and agreed to be rehabilitated into someone who could actually serve society? Haven’t I done shit that would make trusting me one hell of a lot harder to do if people knew about it, shit that a lot of people would consider unforgivable? I’m not exactly on the same level as a worlds-destroyer, but… you know what I mean. The point is that I earned my redemption once. Maybe that’s how she knows I’m one of the few people who might give her an actual chance to become a friend.
“Anyway, despite my misgivings we’re apparently going to be heading back out soon. Normally I’d be all for not dragging out our crew leave for too long, but after everything we went through I’m not sure we’re ready for it. Okay, I’m not sure I’m ready for it. My counselor disagrees with my assessment, though, and at least from the details I’ve been given it should be a simple enough pickup mission to ease us back into things.”
He breathed out a soft sigh.
“Yeah, I don’t buy it either. Maybe getting back to work will be good for me though, good for all of us. I’m not gonna be able to forget what happened with the Imperium and I shouldn’t either, but in my experience sitting idle doesn’t help me recover, it just makes me obsess. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reread the reports and recounts from the crew, how many times I’ve gone over it all in my head. It doesn’t get easier and I don’t get any less angry. If I break another glass I think Eirene’s going to start dispensing my drinks in soft sippy cups. I’ve been keeping a dermal regenerator on hand, too, so Niaev can’t chastise me for punching wall panels again. She’s got enough to chastise me for already without me making it easier...”
He trailed off for a moment before concluding.
“I’ve rambled on for long enough. End log.”
“I visited Nyz’s old temple the other day, the one she set up in the Dark’s name when we first brought her to the Citadel years ago. I guess I just… hell, I don’t know exactly why I went. Niaev mentioned it a few nights earlier and maybe that planted the idea in my head. Maybe I just needed to think about that time in the past and the choices I made that’ve lead to that whole complication. Maybe my reasons don’t really matter, because I think she would’ve found a way to get me there no matter what.
“The Dark is in her temple on the Citadel. She wouldn’t admit her identity to me until the second time I went, but unless all those sessions with that brain-melting Nirizean bitch have made me go batshit crazy then I’m sure that it’s her. Thing is, she’s claiming she’s not the Dark that we’ve fought against, but I guess she’s supposed to be a fragment of her that managed to be redeemed years ago by letting Nyz be saved when she nearly died bringing us back through that mural. That she’s the side of the Dark that Nyz loved and worshiped, and who was actually worthy of that devotion. The Dark that, if she’s to be believed, wants the Apostates committing horrors in her name to face an equally terrible karmic retribution.
“Oh, did I mention that she claims only I can currently see her? I asked her to explain why and she gave me what was basically a few references to things I have never heard of, and which she knows I’ve never heard of. So at least she’s still consistently a bitch, just in different frequencies of bitchiness. Unless I can get someone else to verify that she’s actually there, though, I’m just a guy who recently went through a traumatic event and is now seeing and hearing things. Not exactly a report I can bring to the Admiral yet, not if I want to be taken seriously. I’m going to keep working on it; even if she’s only a fragment of the Dark, she’s got a lot to offer us in terms of intel, not to mention the options that might open up if she could one day be seen and heard by the Apostates. That is, if she can be trusted. While Eirene wouldn’t have let her in if this was a trick being played by the more well-known Dark, skepticism is healthy. She’s mindblowingly powerful, but no one is perfect.”
There was a long pause and a clink of ice on glass before Blaine continued to speak.
“I have a few theories on why she picked me. Nyz is the obvious answer, but maybe it’s deeper than that. I mean, didn’t I sort of fragment myself in my own way when I left Dolonna behind and agreed to be rehabilitated into someone who could actually serve society? Haven’t I done shit that would make trusting me one hell of a lot harder to do if people knew about it, shit that a lot of people would consider unforgivable? I’m not exactly on the same level as a worlds-destroyer, but… you know what I mean. The point is that I earned my redemption once. Maybe that’s how she knows I’m one of the few people who might give her an actual chance to become a friend.
“Anyway, despite my misgivings we’re apparently going to be heading back out soon. Normally I’d be all for not dragging out our crew leave for too long, but after everything we went through I’m not sure we’re ready for it. Okay, I’m not sure I’m ready for it. My counselor disagrees with my assessment, though, and at least from the details I’ve been given it should be a simple enough pickup mission to ease us back into things.”
He breathed out a soft sigh.
“Yeah, I don’t buy it either. Maybe getting back to work will be good for me though, good for all of us. I’m not gonna be able to forget what happened with the Imperium and I shouldn’t either, but in my experience sitting idle doesn’t help me recover, it just makes me obsess. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reread the reports and recounts from the crew, how many times I’ve gone over it all in my head. It doesn’t get easier and I don’t get any less angry. If I break another glass I think Eirene’s going to start dispensing my drinks in soft sippy cups. I’ve been keeping a dermal regenerator on hand, too, so Niaev can’t chastise me for punching wall panels again. She’s got enough to chastise me for already without me making it easier...”
He trailed off for a moment before concluding.
“I’ve rambled on for long enough. End log.”