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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jun 21, 2013 18:13:36 GMT -5
-Said with a sigh, hum drum sound in her voice-
So I heard about the crew change on the Ayanami... I wonder what caused that? I'll have to call Liz and ask her what's going on with that. Liz's new assignment is interesting. A Bellerophon... An explorer. The U.S.S. Pilgrim. Maker knows that's a charged name. Perhaps I'm lucky we're such a distance a part. I'm showing. Heavily. And Lizzie would be dragging me around showing me off...
Why am I doing this? Why have I decided that I wanted a child without sacrificing my career and actually actively trying to serve while so... Obvious.
Either way, in lieu of my own parents, I've decided that I want Liz to raise this child if Tai and I should die or be otherwise unable. I can't think of anyone better to do this. ... Well I suppose I could ask Nyoko... but she'll probably have enough on her hands... any child of Mine will end up either nervous wreck, or an excessive extrovert. It's in the genes. Might be weird for a little brown spotted girl to grow up in Japan...
There must be sensitive work going on because getting through to the Pilgrim is difficult right now. Eh... I'll worry about it later.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jun 24, 2013 16:52:12 GMT -5
Well I just found out that the Pilgrim is overdue and missing. This couldn't be a coincidence... I need to find a way to discrete alert everyone I'm allied with. Everyone I'm friends with. My Husband is in terrible danger. My parents, my friends. Is it possible the Pilgrim's disappearance is because of my association to Liz? Did they just kill Admiral Razzor's wife because she knows me? Was Liz looking into what happened at HC-19? Can these people get away with killing a renowned war hero like Talia? Or my Mother? And elder starfleet veteran? My father, a renowned and important statesman on Trill?
All of them are in danger and it's my fault. It's very possible that my child... son or daughter, is never going to even have a chance to live. All because of a mistake. Everyone I've ever known or ever touched is in terrible danger. Nassan, Tai, Mom and Dad, M'Row, Liz, Talia, Nyoko, everyone. Next thing you know, I'll hear about... i don't know a rogue Obsidian Order remnant conducting a terrorist attack on Japan and the Adagio will vanish, killed in combat by some enterprising Klingon...
What do I do. I can't back out now, but it's likely too late. In way too deep.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jun 26, 2013 18:03:23 GMT -5
[This Log appears to have no normal spoken words on it. It consists entirely of off key singing along to a prerecorded song in English. The Song itself follows.]
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jul 5, 2013 16:56:06 GMT -5
[quiet contemplation. Silence for a long moment]
So apparently, it's come to my attention that a young Joined has been transferred aboard shortly before our... "mission" began. Poor kid is... Well, I don't know the name Azzameen. Either this symbiont is young, or has done very little of note. Three syllable name... not standard.. Probably young.
I'll have to personally interview this young man and determine what I need to know about him. Make sure he isn't a last minute plant by Them. That is a distinct and dangerous possibility.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jul 8, 2013 13:23:33 GMT -5
Personal log: Stardate(insert here).
I can't do this anymore. I thought I could, but I'm terrified. That's what this is.
It's a girl. Liliansa Mekyla de Silva. Per his orders. I... should have waited. I should have waited to tell Tai, but I couldn't wait. All of this during a red alert when I should have been on the bridge.
And yet they handled it without me, while I sat in sickbay nervously chatting up Dr. Spencer, acting very much like the nervous mother I suppose I am. Such a fool. Why did I do this? I hate this. My body feels like it's rebelling against everything. Lily-girl, I love you BUT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BOOODYYYYYY.
This sucks... Such a fool, I'm terrified of being replaced. ... If I recommend Asada to command in my absence, I may lose him to his Own command when, or even before I get back. If I ask for an interim captain, the crew and command may grow to like them more than I, and I'll never get MY command back. But if I didn't have this child now, I know I'd never get another chance. Not with how things are going now... Damnit what, do I do. What do I do.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jul 15, 2013 0:57:51 GMT -5
Personal Log: Stardate (insert here)
Where am I going with my career? It's probably foolish to hope that they'd allow me to command once Liliansa is old enough to be raised by her father while I'm away... But even if I do... what then? I'll be in command of the Sentinel. But still "Commander" Dalun.
I'm one of the most decorated and revered(and honestly Feared) COs in the fleet. I Know I'm that good. I'm a warrior and a stateswoman. An instrument of both destruction and peace. I am very much the meaning of the name of the very ship I command. A Sentinel. My crew and I fight so others don't have to.
But I'm not a Captain. Yes, I captain a ship, but I don't hold that rank. Honestly, the fact I lead a vessel as Captain and not XO, makes the lack of rank irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. But "Commander" just doesn't have the same prestige.
I've had a checkered career, but so have many captains. Ones I know personally. Ones I served under. I even had the rank provisionally... then the loss of the Damascus stole that from me. The rank was revoked and I was brought back to Commander. I could have retired to teach that day... but Nyoko convinced me to join her. From the Ayanami and the Okinami. I got back into the hang of it, but had to deal with... a difficult captain. A respected friend, but quite difficult to deal with, I'm sorry to say. Either way, that at least let me springboard back into command, and we got the Sentinel. I even managed to take one of the best tactical officers in the fleet with me. I bet that stung CAPTAIN Honda.
Yes. I'm bitter. I'm so very bitter. I know I should be better than this. I know that I'm better than to be so petty. That I shouldn't demand, or even expect, rewards for doing what I do. But where's my respect? I've battled everything from physical injury, to a shadow war to Mental illness for the Maker's sake! Even then i've still be selfish. I'm taking a leave from the ship and crew I hold so dear to start a family. A privilege with no equal.
And yet, that one elusive thing is kept from me. Irrelevant. It's just a rank. Just a pip, and I know that. I've been in command for a long time now. And yet I'm still just a commander. "Just" a commander.
Will my name go down in history as "Commander" Dalun?
And why does it even matter so much? Why does it bother me? It won't be relevant in my next life. The next host will be who They are, Not Joyaus Kemin. Why am I fixated on this one thing? Why does it bother someone so long lived as me for one Transient little thing.
-long drawn out sigh-
If I even keep the ship after my "temporary" replacement is done with it. Or if Tibs is put in command and promoted to replacement... What then? He deserves the Sentinel if I don't. He's certainly earned it. I broke his jaw today, that's worth something...
But what am I without the Sentinel? I set out to put her back together. She's Our ship... but she's also MY ship. Is my career even worth it if I can't get the crew I brought together and the ship I rebuilt back under My command...
Everything is so uncertain, and I'm so lost... I just want to cry until my eyeducts burn out forever.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jul 29, 2013 21:47:43 GMT -5
I should probably keep going with these logs.
I've got about a month and half or less left. I've left duty and gone on leave. Hopefully they do well enough to excel, but not so much that they don't let me go back.
Of course, if they do, I'll probably have a lot more time with Liliana... but I won't command anything but MY ship. Unless it's something big enough to allow families on board. And only if My entire command staff comes with.
Sigh... I'm holding my belly both with dread... and that I cannot wait.
And through all of it I just want to cry so much.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Aug 7, 2013 3:03:05 GMT -5
[Her voice is obviously labored. Tired. Quite worn out.] That was the most painful thing that's ever happened in all seven of my lives. And those were some of the most hurtful things I've ever said to Tai... yet all I could see on his face was excitement. Either he's really happy to see this, or he kind of gets off on being abused. [Another whimper] Still getting a little pain, but Maker help me. So beautiful. Yet so ugly. Babies all look the same to me sometimes... But this one's mine. I didn't expect her to come out so brown. Even with how dark Tai is. She's going to be so exotic when she gets older, I'll have to beat the boys off with a stick. The feeding is... strange. I'm going to start bottling a lot of it for when I'm away. I just hope I don't permanently damage myself from feeding and extracting. Tai, damnit, I'm doing a log stop taking pictures of us! You can take a turn later! Of course I can cuss around her, she's too young to comprehend. She's Three fucking hours old, it doesn't matter that much yet!
[Laughing and barely audible speaking. Male voice, black british accent. Deep voice. Joy laughs and continues speaking] When she's old enough to walk around at night, we'll just lock the door. She doesn't need to be traumatized like that until she's old enough to understand.
[More talking] Well do you have an idea? I know I swear a lot. And my English sounds a little funny sometimes when I speak without the translator... I hope she picks up your accent. She'll... Oh hey the logs still running.
[Joy rather suddenly has a mood swing, making another whimper.] We need to find Liz. She needed to be here to see this. I feel so terrible that she couldn't... Nyoko even stopped in during...
[Tai speaks in the background] Tai, I told you from the outset that I wanted this Natural unless there were complications... Okay okay... [Joy sighs loudly, and the baby starts crying] Sweetie, eat some... okay okay, sshhhh. Alright. Mother's going to sleep now, it's alright. I'd better end this. She's Three hours old and already tired of our shit. She learns fast. Liliana Mekyla de Silva, I demand you start feeding this instant.
[Another Flash bulb noise] Alright alright. Take your pictures. We'll make it up to Liz by showering her with baby pictures. ... Alright, I'm going to try to sleep this off and hope my legs work tomorrow. Take your damn daughter please...
[End Log]
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Aug 12, 2013 23:45:53 GMT -5
[wailing of a child] Fine. Making a log. Nothing else to do but listen to her scream. Can't get her to sleep. Trill children are never this loud, must be her human half.
Motoko has me thinking... Though there's a sense of personal experience in her... Whether that was Motoko or Erys is hard to say...
I don't know. I can't abandon her... But then I'm Not. Taiw ill be here. And I'll be back when I can... I have to go back to the Sentinel, but I can't leave.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Aug 16, 2013 16:50:52 GMT -5
[Burbling of a child and a male voice in the background]
I've been thinking about work again.
I should call Erys and ask what's going on. She'll tell me. Tiberius was acting a little odd when I last saw him. I wonder if it's the bond he's got with Xemion...
Maybe I'm just starting to realize how little I trust that kid. He's old, Like me. From a nebulous and unknown power with higher general technological prowess than the Federation... Has his own ship lurking out there.
I hate to speak so ill of him when he's served so well, but I'm not sure I can trust him. I'm stressing out about these things when I should be focused on my family.
I should ask command if they feel I'm fit for duty. I'm pretty much recovered from the birth... But I can't leave her. Damnit...
I'm going to call them later. Use the Holoconference system.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Aug 18, 2013 5:04:26 GMT -5
[undated, and handwritten in an old Trill cypher]
It begins. I've been thinking about it... it's time to gather a concept I call, quite simply, "The Captains Council."
You fight conspiracies with Conspiracies. Well... you fight them with The Truth... but the only way I can think of right now is a conspiracy to root them out. My list of trustworthy individuals is small... And there are only two I can easily contact. Talia is the most obvious choice, but the most risky to contact. If certain contacts... even dear friends are listening and their loyalties aren't truly to me... well there goes the whole thing.
The other is Nyoko. This may be a hard sell to her, especially with Yuna in the world... but I can contact her in person. The preferred way.
But... it's such a fool move to write this down, but I feel compelled. I may destroy this at a later time. Until then, I'll keep it on me at all times. The Captain's Council. We will keep Starfleet on the straight and narrow. We'll subvert anyone who threatens our ability to operate on the principles upon which our Federation was founded. Those who use a section of the charter to justify their means.
Each recruited captain will operate their own operational cell. Communication between captains aside from official actions will be kept to a minimum, but a dedicated, secure way of sharing our intelligence must be found. Either way, no one above the rank of captain in the council, unless they are promoted out of it after recruitment. They must also be a CO of something. Preferably a starship, but if it's a station with decent facilities, they may be useful. Mobility and discretion are musts.
If a captain is trustworthy enough and other elements attempt to recruit them, work as a double agent is encouraged.
There's more to this... I don't know. Just going to keep this with me.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Oct 16, 2013 1:13:59 GMT -5
-a very loud sigh, clearly fully of exasperation-
Between the inspection, being delayed in seeing my husband and child, and being buzzed by a new ship... My father called. He's running for president of Trill.
And he's asked me for an endorsement. I just had to explain to him rather gently, that as a starfleet command officer, I can't legally or morally endorse a candidate even on a member world. Even if they're my own father. At least i'd be safe if I was JUST joined... Still... I can't. I really can't. I'm not sure he'd even be that great of a leader. I mean he did bring up a bill for restoring the Trill Private Service. We haven't needed a planetary military since joining the Federation. Didn't get a chance to talk to Mother about it... I suspect he's already bugged her about it too.
-sigh- I just want to go home. Just let me off the damn ship so I can get some leave with my family.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Nov 18, 2013 18:28:15 GMT -5
-a LOUD sigh-
Well things just got a lot more complicated. Unencrypted, I can't speak of it. Regardless, I've sent a message back to Tai informing him of what I can say unclassified. I may not be going home again for awhile. I have a few suspicions... I think I may actually request that Tai be assigned to the Adagio, because I know that once Talia is healthy, she'll be on assignment with us as well.
-= Encryption Enabled =-
I'm terrified. This is Big. Not only is it an Iconian Gateway, but there are Omega Molecules on the other side of it? That's BAD. That's VERY BAD. Every bit of Iconian tech we've encountered aside from the Gateways themselves have proven hostile. Probes, the Virii, every other horrible thing we've run into.
If the Iconians were creating and storing Omega... or still Are.... Why? What would they be doing with it? And if it's not them, but some other civilization, possibly even Prewarp somehow... I feel that it's morally objectionable to attack them unprovoked because of this. Even so, I'll do so anyway, because the alternative is FAR FAR worse.
Bottom line is, I NEED to know what's on the other side of that gate, even if it means that I'll sleep less well.
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Dec 16, 2013 12:11:50 GMT -5
[undated, but it is currently the most recent recording. The Audio recording appears to be left on accidentally]
-ruffling noises- Eee! Well... Huh, the shelf top with the matching bottom? ... Too much? Tai would want less than that... Too drastic to pierce my skin with the pips, or should I put those through the collar? Yea. Perfect. Ha! I need to find a way to sneak them out here to Join Command somehow.
Wait, no, That'd leave me indisposed for at least a couple days... And they probably know it....
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Post by Captain Joyaus Dalun on Jan 28, 2014 2:35:23 GMT -5
All such a damned disaster. Damnit, why did you have to shoot Stanton! Sure it was on stun, but could SHE possibly have been a threat? Snap decision, perceived clear and present danger. She's alive, and if she was involved she'll go to trial. If she wasn't and was just incompetent, demand she be reassigned and take the heat for the mistake.
All of this was such a mistake. Trusting T'lena, taking that stupid cloaking device, all of it. Even towing the damn Sentinel when she apparently was operational.\
Just stand up and deal with it. Just move forward, face them, and take it. And hope your command and crew remain intact.
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