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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on May 15, 2011 3:12:12 GMT -5
I sat on the bridge gazing at the battle damage and the skeleton crew now on shift as I held the conn. I took the opportunity to reflect... Ansari's mood was foul. He was upset with his performance. Shrug it off and carry on Ansari. Take solace in the fact you get the chance to do better.
John, working one handed to keep systems functioning and intact. I was more afraid to set your arm since I lack the gentle touch needed. You always stubbornly make due regardless.T'ruri with broken ribs and coughing up blood remained dutifully at her station. You have been thrown into the fires of service, and just as the harsh deserts of Vulcan, they are tempering you into a fine officer.Talia also with broken ribs and also spitting up blood. She refused to leave until she knew all were safe and being treated. She takes on the suffering of all those in her charge and will carry the burden until the last are finally soothed.She did not know ahead of time, I did not tell her. She will understand."Just make certain I do not have to call on them instead, you are far too needed." Talia whispered with great caring and concern. "I am with you always Talia." I replied. She seemed satisfied, though she may have thought the meaning more physical. I pass along all I can and hope whatever small part of me that is great lives on in that legacy that others can carry on, even without me. There are no guarantees Tali...So I return my focus to the bridge. The Adagio, like her crew maintains her grace under pressure as she slides through the vastness of space towards destiny. Broken, scattered and scared. They took stock of the situation, And once again squared their shoulders to the task ahead..www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFV1QvnLVsM#t=3m15sWe are the brothers and sisters of steel...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jun 3, 2011 17:10:55 GMT -5
Working on music always helps settle me..adds clarity and focus...I find my center...
Tali's voice whispers in my memory, "You are being too hard on him. Give him a chance, he will grow on you..."
Am I too hard on him? Am I letting my emotions bias my view? I believe I have valid reasons for concern. He handles minor set backs poorly I can only imagine true failure. Failure is where the true learning happens and your true mettle is shown. I lack faith that he is capable of handling failure.
or maybe I am hoping he cannot handle it?...
I thought once my sisters were being overly protective of me, but now that I am in war and see first hand what it entails...I know why they tried to keep me out of Starfleet. I do not have what it takes to make the hard calls, like Tali did with that D-7 (we never even named it..we detached ourselves and refer to it as "the D-7"). I will never be a Captain, my heart and good intentions and belief we can find a better alternative will always be my downfall.
shared memory connection and the sisters voices in unison, "No Xae, the greater tragedy would you becoming jaded to where you longer cared or believed in a better way. That is why we wanted you to wait until conflict was not so widespread and demanding constant Starfleet intervention. War tears at your soul. Your purity of spirit Xae is one of your greatest gifts and we'd do anything to protect it..."
I sighed.
I been working on this music theme with Cygnus in mind, no title yet... it fits the spirit that shines brightly in her..but if I look it shines in others too..and maybe in myself as well...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jun 19, 2011 3:57:34 GMT -5
I failed and she won... Her sneering face our last image as we fall into the darkness.... Flailing in desperation we catch something...hanging on by one hand...can't pull ourselves up... Why do I struggle?We feel something pulling..helping..and then darkness..all is silent... We awaken alone...cannot see, there is no music. My sisters where are you? I cry and scream and run but there is no escaping the silence and darkness. Suddenly a light shines in the distance..a beacon..I hear her calling for me and I follow. The burden of our existence is now her's to bear too, my shame is never ending. The music..I can hear it again... The light shows familiar faces in familiar places...I feel you sisters...I see you sister. Rest....rest and heal. Song for the soul... subconsciously works on a song as she sleeps... Mt Eden Dubstep - Still AliveI've learned to lose I've learned to win I've turned my face against the wind I will move fast I will move slow Take me where I have to go
I've learned to lose I've learned to win I've turned my face against the wind I will move fast I will move slow Take me where I have to go
I have to go I have to go I have to go
I've learned to lose I've learned to win I've turned my face against the wind I will move fast I will move slow Take me where I have to go
I have to go
I've learned to lose I've learned to win I've turned my face against the wind I will move fast I will move slow Take me where I have to go [[x4]]
I have to go I have to go I have to go I have to go
(bonus inspirational song Cygnus X-1 Book ll- Hemispheres) www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSiUSD_n5L8 part two covers Xae's experience I have memory and awareness, but I have no shape or form. As a disembodies spirit, I am dead and yet unborn.. www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmtcQIuwBNs
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jul 18, 2011 22:23:11 GMT -5
In her accommodating quarters on the Antaeus, Xaelei sits as she is remixing a song and getting the electric notes to resonate with the proper flair on Jasmine.
Shantal is spoiling me like a princess with these quarter and all the special attention and consideration.
Xaelei smiles to herself.
Where was I now? Ah yes...
The hard electric notes resonate as she plays Jasmine and thinks the words to herself.
You burned me out but I'm back at your door Like Joan of Arc coming back for more
I nearly died I nearly died I nearly died
I came to cut you up I came to knock you down I came around to tear your little world apart I came to shut you up I came to drag you down I came around to tear your little world apart And break your soul apart
The door opened and Shantal walked in and sat next to me, all the while exchanging thoughts without speaking.
Isn't that a little harsh? Does she and that experience have that much control over you still?
Xaelei stopped playing and looked at her sister with knowing reflective eyes.
I hope not. This is part of the healing. To refocus the emotions of that experience and make something productive of it all.
This does not sound like healing.
It is. Instead of a scared girl I'm refocusing it to being one tough ass bitch. I feel this is not the last we've heard of Verina. I also have a feeling among many things the universe has in store for me, one is being the nemesis of Verina. I will be ready.
Please sing it for me.
Both sisters smiled as Xaelei started to play and sing again her remix of Vow by Garbage.
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jul 21, 2011 18:38:32 GMT -5
It was a small private studio with a small audience in attendance, my sisters among them. My unknown benefactor had turned out to be Mr Salatori, a venerable and accomplished composer and performer. He had got word I was on Earth and sent an invitation to participate in a private jam session. Nervous as I was, experience taught me to never ignore destiny's call. So now here we sit playing..trading lead and accompaniment back and forth, smiling together as we played requests and improvisations the entire night away...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jul 25, 2011 1:06:53 GMT -5
On board the USS Solbianca
Xaelei is sharing the quarters of One and Two. They were apprehensive at first of the connection with me, but quickly started to enjoy the open exchange and experiences. Through the good and bad they seem to have gained renewed hope they can find acceptance and connections with others again. They will also watch out for and pass along information and implement directives against...Verina.
-sigh-
As I sit playing Jasmine and we enjoy the music and our time together, part of me reflects to the debriefing and the mention of "it will be judged if she can stand trial". I seethed. I could have killed her and I didn't. Fate will see she escapes and causes havoc once again and that blood will be on my hands. It will not be the first... It seems ironic that it is likely my efforts to try to make her suffer is what may be saving her from her due punishment now. All we can do is adjust. We survived and became stronger. She will suffer and her day of reckoning will come...
Blood on my hands...
Part of the rebirth was the removal of an internal barrier I must have put up. Maybe I did it to protect myself, but I purposely deluded and hid the fact of what I did. There is no hiding it now. I personally directed the assimilation and termination of thousands of sentient beings. T'Ruri sensed it now too, and almost let it slip in front of the Admiral. It is best if people only suspect. I asked her to tell no one, not even Talia. The time does not feel right, but eventually I will have to tell my sister. Maybe the barriers were in place until I was ready and had the support to final face my past? I am not certain. What I do know is a lifetime is not log enough to undo the horrors I have done, but I have to try. I am no heroine. I am the dark flame one calls upon to battle another dark flame...fight fire with fire...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jul 27, 2011 22:49:44 GMT -5
It was a small gathering of families joining together to cope with the loss of their loved one. I not sure why I went. I encountered crewman Joseph Franklin's, mother, father and teenaged sister. It was awkward, but I did convey my consonances and shared what a pleasure it was to serve with Joseph and all the greatness he brought to the Adagio and its crew. I expressed how proud the crew and Captain are of Joseph's contributions and his noble service has brought a ray of hope for one more day. I sang a parting song which the entire assembled group gathered around for...
One more day...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Aug 5, 2011 14:06:29 GMT -5
I stood outside the personnel office, conflicted on what to do.
Where do I feel right? -sighs inside- I watched as Talia, John, Michael, Joy all had exchanges and seemed to click together and it all felt right, but me...I do not fit in. I do not belong. I never will. It feels right for me to vanish and for the universe to forget the mistake that was Xaelei... -sighs insides-
I stare at the office door, frozen with internal conflict and flashes of memories.
Duty. It binds me. I have wronged so many by destroying their lives and that demands atonement. I can never fix what I have done, but the effort must be made, and maintained. -pauses in her mind reflecting again- Most important is the duty to those fallen that willing sacrificed themselves to protect me. Why protect me of all beings?! To those noble but foolish souls, I owe the chance I have given to make it right. My duty is clear...
The door of the officer opens and Xaelei requested reinstatement to active duty.
I will never cast these chains off of trying to make it right...
((OOC note..double song bonus Within Temptation - Jillian is Xae's theme song. It is a perfect metaphor of her internal struggle and agony..and excuse the video..it is hard to find a studio version on youbtube))
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Aug 9, 2011 0:53:45 GMT -5
Why did I ask to reinstate my commission? I thought it was duty, but that is only part of it...
The Admiral has asked T'Ruri what she thought of the new Adagio. Her's was an interesting answer, though not mine. Our new Lady exemplifies the finest ideals of Starfleet. Exploration, discovery, and protection. She is magnificent and awe inspiring.
Why did I ask to reinstate my commission?
I watched as we stood with precision in our crisp dress uniforms watching the ceremony of Talia assuming command. I felt a swell of pride and my eyes misted a bit. It was a great moment for my sister and for us. We are intrepid explorers. We are peacekeepers and diplomats. We are the first and last line of defense. All the hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow for us all, rest with us...
Why did I ask to reinstate my commission? To help bring a better tomorrow...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Aug 26, 2011 16:12:38 GMT -5
dreams within dreams...the soft lighting and music and the scent of jasmine in the air...
Vega IX. Starfleet personnel try desperately to hold off an overwhelming Borg ground force and keep civilians safe. Through the smoke and energy beams flashing in vicious exchange though the screams of those locked in deadly melee.
Commander Rogers the Icarus' XO is yelling orders in the heat of battle when he comes up to me.
"Animane! You're taking a detachment with you and getting these civis to a defensible location!" he barked.
"But sir, they can sense me, they will know where I am."
"I don't think there is hiding for any of us. But it works both ways, you sense them right?" Rogers took cover as he asked.
I nodded.
"I do not know how you been doing it..but you've been confusing them, haven't you?" Rogers took a shot while talking.
I nodded again.
I was a surreal moment when Rogers stopped to look at me and said, "Then you are our best chance..."
flash forward...
Our ground communicators came to life with the desperate screams of Linnea.
"My God! Chief is dead! They are on the bridge taking everyone! *goes off into chanting a ritual prayer*" Linnea.
I calmed Linnea and she got control of the ship and us on board. We regained control.
Icarus was wounded but she would not surrender. She helped hold the line until the fleet arrived. She was never fully repaired or crewed ever again, but she was called on time and again to serve and hold the line.
Her final moments at the battle to defend Star Base 39. A heavy plasma torpedo, passed close to her, but had targeted on another ship. The torpedo got shot down by the last of her phaser fire....and several moments later the Icarus exploded.
Xaelei woke up and put on a robe as sat on her couch hugging her legs. She stares at a replica commission plaque of the Icarus with an additional inscription below:
Though our journey takes us on different paths, we are bound together in the stars.
To Captain Arnimane: "May her light never fade from the heavens." From the officers and crew of the Icarus.
Xae's song finally came together in her mind....in memory of the Icarus...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Aug 28, 2011 0:38:37 GMT -5
Soon after Q left and Xaelei left the bridge..she found herself alone in her quarters, curled up on her couch and sobbing...
I am forever trapped in the reality of another...I struggle and fight to be free..but always the puppet master returns....
She pauses as she sobs.
The last time I was in another's reality...I died...
Her sobs turn abruptly into a scream of rage. Her eye glowing fiery crimson.
I tire of walking the paths of my torments and regrets. I tire of being controlled! I...will...be...FREE!
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Sept 14, 2011 20:05:47 GMT -5
Between Talia's uneasiness, my sister's news of renewed Borg attacks, and more reports in the news...it does not take advanced calculus or problem solving to know the events that are happening will draw us into them, soon. Will we be ready? So many seem to have faith in us..confidence. Are we, rather, I even deserving? I am just trying to not screw up...
sigh
Incoming message to your in box...accepted.
"I just watched the broadcast of your medal presentation. Very nice. I was writing a song for you. It is not entirely complete, but..I wanted to pass it along sooner than later. It has some innuendo. I hope it does not offend and if so, you can forgive an old man indulging in a flight of fancy. Let me know what you think of it.
Sal "
Irresistible Force
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Oct 3, 2011 1:15:06 GMT -5
She did not even tell me she was going..and in the night she was suddenly gone...
It seems like Fate started with me and Vernia...but is no longer content with me as her play thing, now the entire crew pushed to the limit.
Faith, intangible, yet having the power to reshape the very nature of the universe. Star Fleet Command asks us to simply take a lot on faith, I wonder if they realize zealot faith they seem to demand is counter to independent thought. Command seems to want both and gets frustrated when it does not get them. I wonder if this has always been the case. I wonder if the renowned ships and crews took action and succeeded despite the obstacles and bureaucracy of Command. I wonder what great things could happen if crews did not have to be at odds with their own Command structure.
I wonder if Command realizes it is closer in how it wants things run to the Collective than is comfortable to acknowledge.?
Faith. I have faith in my sister. The reasons she departed will reveal themselves in time.
Though the Admiral's insistence that "this would all make sense at a later time" was insulting. Much like a parent telling their young child that lacks the life experience and reasoning ability to understand. I personally could have done without that insult added to the long list of others...-sigh-
Faith. I will perform my tasks to honor my sister and her faith in me and her desire that the Adagio and her keth are taken care of. Some of the others on the crew seem to have faith in me, oddly, even looking for me to share things with...or even asking guidance
-click- Faith. Personal. Return from death. -giggles to herself- I suddenly feel like a Personal Jesus, complete with a return from death...
So how do we turn Faith for an institution or an ideal into Faith for one's self and one another? It is the hallmark of all the most renowned crews to ever have set off on the seas...and into vastness of space...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Nov 4, 2011 15:40:04 GMT -5
Xaelei sat alone in her quarters staring emotionless ahead, unmoving as a statue. The lights were soft, there was hint of jasmine in the air and a very soft and sad song gently played. Suddenly the holographic image of a woman that looked very similar to Xaelei appeared nex to her on the couch.
Ada looked worried as she spoke, "It has been days and you are still so sad..."
"I abandoned her...you...to a terrible fate. I should have found another way..."
"But you didn't! That is where she belongs! She will forever appreciate the experience!" Ada countered in an exciting and pleading tone.
Xaelei looks directly at Ada with her piecing gaze, "I expected to face many things...but nothing like that..."
Ada took Xaelei hand, "Hey....you shown her a side she would have never seen. It might seem cruel to some, but for us, hope...that is it source of it all."
The music shifted to a new song and Ada smiled as sang the words is a voice very similar to Xaelei's...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jan 9, 2012 20:40:47 GMT -5
The cyberspace spirits of mother and daughter floated near each other in a vast sea of fragmented data streams and bits. They stared at the swirling storm of chaos as it churned about them.
Ada, "Ugh, is this all of it?!"
"No, this is just what I was able to extract so far, there is much more."
Ada, "Omygawd, where do we even start?!"
"I don't know. This may be a completely hopeless task, but we have to try..."
Ada, "Solia means a lot to you and aunty Talia, doesn't she?"
"Yes"
Ada, "I reviewed the records and footage. You know...well...um..it is possible Solia was never here, ya know?"
"I know", inside I could not help but swell with pride my little Ada reached that conclusion all on her own.
Ada, "Oh I hope she is, I mean, it we would be cool and all, but..."
"We have to try. She may be out there alone and needing our help. As long as there is hope and a chance, I will never give up trying...I would do no less for you Ada..."
Ada beamed a smile, "Right! Let's do this! Hey! We need music!"
Xaelei's musical selection reverberated across the cyberspace sea.
Ada leveled her head as said. "Allllllllright...It...is...on!"
With that the two cyberspace spirits worked together with speed and grace to try the seemingly impossible task of bringing some order to the swirling, chaotic maelstrom of data they were in. As the hours rolled on, one could still hear the two spirits singing the chorus of the song they worked to....
oh oh oh oh, I got a love that keeps me waiting...
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