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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 9, 2010 19:40:40 GMT -5
Music moves the soul... When I "plug in" not only do I hear, I see and feel it...
Today was...eventful. I discovered the Captain was also at the battle of Starbase 39 and in command of the Giselle. I got a flood of conflicting emotions. She was very complimentary, it felt good to be acknowledge but I felt undeserving...I had no idea she even knew...I will have to consider all she said in more depth....
I then get assigned as acting chief science officer. I am honored, but I cannot help but wonder if my entire career I will be "acting" some-such and never the position itself...I'll have to ask my sisters if they went through the same. Talli used to tease and say "Maybe you can use this to your advantage later as an acting dead person..keep on living."
I met Commander Binet. He seemed professional and capable and I am afraid he thinks I am a monster. I should not have mentioned directly connecting to consoles and systems. It was a mistake and a serious set back in building a solid working relationship with engineering, I will have to adjust. Which reminds me to not mention that I have already modified my personal quarter's computer. No one stares at the freak monster plugged into the computer in her own room...It has been a long day...relax and enjoy the music...
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 14, 2010 21:14:30 GMT -5
I got an unexpected visit from Solia today. I was in my quarters relaxing reading personal messages, trying to figure out why the 7593 Pegasi system was so far from expected position in the astrometric charts and re-mixing a song when she came by.
She inquired why I was so complimentary of Franklin's contribution when it was clear all he provided was routine information and confirmation. "It was you Xaelei that had the idea and successfully compensated for the scanning interference...."
I cannot say I had a good reason, it is something I just always seem to do.
Solia did not seem to like any of my answers and went on to assure me that she voluntarily stepped down and that I should not exaggerate merit, then suddenly she stopped for a moment and stared intently at me.
"You overheard Franklin's comments to me in the hall before the meeting the other day?", Solia asked.
"Yes"
Thoughtfully Solia continued, "It is not the first time you have encountered behavior like that and unwelcome attention. That song that is playing, does it have a title?"
"Isolated"
Solia nodded slowly as if she had a realization and changed the topic, "I hope the next world we discover with life we get the chance to explore and study it in more detail. Thank you for the discussion Xaelei." As she turned to leave she added, "Have you ever had authentic Shur t'plomik?"
"No, I have not."
"We will have to remedy that soon." Solia said as she departed. ---------
Have no choice but be isolated, struggling, left alone and apart...
Song that Xaelei is listening to and working on the re-mix
Chiasm - Isolated ( with lyrics )
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 15, 2010 15:53:57 GMT -5
I just got off a call with Talli. I miss her companionship. She is ecstatic being on board the Arbiter. She also said I did not exaggerate about my sister, that she is "everything you said and MORE!"
On an unpleasant note. I had an encounter with Franklin today. He got defensive when I critiqued his latest analysis of gaseous anomaly RNS-152a. I was...
concept idea: emergency stop inertial re-acceleration. Using physics and energy properties (theoretical process in progress) bring ship back to velocity just prior to implementing emergency stop. Value: tactical positioning and momentum. Complications: aside from unknown practicality to implement, the risk of engine and structural strain, up to and including critical failure.
oh yes...I was citing his lack of thoroughness and that his research technique would benefit if he was more patient. He got upset and yelled back. "I do not know what your game is. One moment you are nice and complimentary, next you are nit picking everything I do. I won't stand for it! I have some constructive feedback for you too, you'd benefit a lot from having a soul!" and with that he stormed out of the lab...
Oh....a message from Talli. It reads: Omg! Xaegirl. The unthinkable happened! I lost my song, HELP!!!
-smirking- I need to help a sista out! Actually, I think I'll send her the original re-mix and work on yet another version. I feel in the proper mood...this one is for you Franklin....
The mix I made for Talli and am re-mixing has a more feminine vibe and lyrics..but keeps the the quality of tone and delivery intact.
the original.. Nazareth - Hair of the Dog
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 16, 2010 16:46:53 GMT -5
Today in the mess hall , I noticed Ensign Os'binlanitroth (gosh, I wish I could properly pronounce his name) was dining alone. From cumulative data sources, I get the impression he is having trouble adjusting and fitting in. The Adagio is his first duty assignment. I asked if I could dine with him and struggled like normal with his name.
"Just call me Os ma'am", he smiled.
"Very well, Os. We are not on duty, please just call me Xaelei."
"Yes, ma'am" Os replied.
-sigh- I suppose I don't get the luxury of being Xaelei anymore as acting department head...
We chatted a bit, mostly small talk but I eventually managed to guide us to the topic of how he is feeling aboard the ship and how he feels he is fitting in.
"It is hard to articulate ma'am. Everyone is supportive and considerate. The work is demanding and satisfying. It just not like I expected, it is just...just..." Os was struggling to express himself.
"Overwhelming?"
after considering a moment, "Yes. Overwhelming."
feeling overwhelmed is a feeling I have intimate knowledge of...
"May I tell you a story Os?"
He nodded.
"I know a woman who also felt very overwhelmed on her first duty assignment. She was far away from her family and had difficulty fitting in with the crew of her ship. She always felt apart and estranged."
Os nodded as I continued.
"She was only on her ship a few weeks when she found herself in the Battle of the Vega system. Her ship took damage and many of the senior officers were either dead or incapacitated. Despite her fear and feeling overwhelmed, she assumed command and got what remained of her ship and crew through the situation and completed their mission."
Os slowly and more considerately nodded as if thinking.
"She told me she remembered advise her sisters gave her: There is solace and peace in your duty and task, the rest will come in time. Be patient and persistent."
"Sounds like good advise. How is she feeling now?" Os asked.
"Oh, I imagine she is feeling a little estranged and overwhelmed again, but proceeding steadily forward."
"Then, steady as she goes, ma'am." Os smirked.
"Aye, steady as she goes."
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 18, 2010 1:33:21 GMT -5
I got message from my sisters. Cygnus says Talli and Linnea and both fitting in nicely and she is glad to have them. She and Shantal both send their love and enclosed a song. It is the song the both agree fits me and how they see me. Odd, with the link we all share this type of communication is not entirely necessary, but getting and sending these little messages seems to bring great joy to us all....
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 21, 2010 0:23:00 GMT -5
I had an "interesting" encounter on Deep Space 9 today. A gentleman introduced himself..."Ms. Arnimane. A pleasure to meet you personally. I represent an organization that you provided services to in the past and they wished for me to pass along their appreciation. Good day." and he politely bowed his head and handed me a data pad as he departed quickly into the crowd.
I have not even looked at the data pad yet..I was tempted to just discard it some place, but I have kept it here in my quarters. I'll deal with it later. The encounter and this data pad bring me back to a past I thought behind me. It seems like a lifetime ago...
origination of tonight's play list complete
Oh, that is right. Tonight is Fusion! Os and a few others will be playing! Now there is a past I love remembering. Back about a year ago I started signing up to volunteer staffing the lounge on the Adagio. It was awkward to start. Everyone staring at the Borg girl as she mixed drinks, stocked snacks, and chatted with crew that needed an ear to listen. I also started Stellar Fusion. I host it weekly and it is a mix of crew playing instruments, singing and me mixing recorded songs and sounds to accompany. It became surprisingly popular!
Tonight's featured song takes me back to when Talli first took me out to a dance club. I was terribly shy and felt awkward, but eventually Talli got me dancing (she is so hard to say no to!). Between the music and the movement and just the entire experience...it was a moment total bliss and freedom...
Junkie XL Feat. Saffron - Beauty Never Fades (Animatrix Edit)
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 21, 2010 11:44:48 GMT -5
I got my holiday gift form my sisters and it is simply beautiful. A Gibson ACX2112 electric/acoustic hybrid guitar. I have no idea how they got one! This model is hand made and less than 100 are made per year. They shouldn't have! I mean it is so easy to loose it while serving in Starfleet. I could put it in storage.....but I can already hear my sisters now "It serves no purpose collecting dust in storage, it is made to be played and the joy to be shared."
I'll have to test it out! (-tuning and testing the guitar can be heard-)
Hmm...I should get a jam session going later tonight. I'll see who is available for that. A jam session. (-giggles to herself-) I remember I was pretty tense when I first arrived on board about a year ago. Many people saw me as "that Borg", but now I feel that has changed a bit and some even see my as "Xaelei". It has been an interesting year...up and downs, gains and losses...and for those still here..our bonds grow stronger as we weather it all together with quiet grace and dignity. It is going to be alright...oh yeah..that is a great song to jam to....(-starts to play and sing the song-)
End Of The Line by The Traveling Wilburys
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 23, 2010 15:27:50 GMT -5
Xaelei is looking in a mirror, trying to use tools on her implant as she listens to a data pad recording.
"Ms. Arnimane. Please consider this enclosed information as a sign of our appreciation for the quality services you have provided to us. We hope you find the information of value and that you will consider a continued working relationship with us. We understand your current situation and obligations and we are very willing to accommodate accordingly. The level of professionalism and service you provide is difficult to find. We have included a method of contact if you desire to do so and we do look forward to working with you once again. Thank you for your time and consideration."
In frustration Xaelei puts the tools down.
I cannot even keep my hands steady enough to try and make the adjustments. (-sighs-)
It has been over a year since Linnea last did the adjustment to my optics. My vision is beginning to degrade among other things...Maybe I can get someone on Deep Space 9?...
Stop, just stop and listen yourself! You'd ask a complete stranger rather than asking for help from crew and family that actually cares?
I can bare the looks of a stranger that I will not see again, easier than someone on the crew, a friend (or more) looking me as a monster..and weak and in need...If I mention it to Tali..she will insist on getting John involved or worse Medical. John hates me and medical (-shudders-). I have not really made any close relationships with the engineering team and if I ask someone and bypass John, more trouble could come of that...
I need some music...
D3 from the game Crusader:No Regret by Andrew Sega
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 25, 2010 7:38:13 GMT -5
I got off a call with Talli. It was great to hear her, but it did remind be how much I miss her and how incredibly hard this year has been for me. Talli was more solemn than normal. She said, "Life has been unfair to you and your sisters Xae. I doubt I could endure what you have been through and continue to go through. If we all had just a fraction of that strength, well, universe would be a far less messed up place. Does is sound incredibly selfish of me to say that even though you've had it shitty, I'm glad it happened, because you are the best friend I could ever ask for?"
People always wonder who the Borg girl is talking too, always talking to herself. When will "they" turn her on and she then turns on the crew and we can finally put her out the airlock where "it" belongs....expect a few...like Talli. Will Talli suffer simply for her acceptance of me? Would it be better to just step out the airlock myself? Strength Talli says...I do not feel strong...and I do not know what keeps me going on.
(in voices that sound like my sisters Cygnus and Shantal in unison "The Best is Yet to Come")
Then faith it is then...faith in myself...faith in those I love...faith that through the despair it will eventually be alright...
(*plays her guitar and sings the song*)
Do you remember love Love from a tormented heart Not fleeting, as with music at night But an eternal love Now tainted Now tainted Go now and reclaim it Go now and love
Recall the times when you were happy. Recall the times when you laughed.
Life is wonderful Do you have faith in it? Turn your face to life, To eternal joy.
What happened to those days? What happened to those nights? Do you remember How you turned to grief? Do you remember How you turned to sorrow? Is the blame mine or ours?
Our feelings grew faint What caused our grief and fighting? Can there be beauty in life? Search for it. Can there be happiness in life? Believe it.
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 30, 2010 20:10:59 GMT -5
There comes a time when no amount of running or hiding helps, that the past finally catches up with you. You eventually have to face it and who you are...
Cygnus would say "Influence the engagement with your own terms if you can. The tactical advantage defies calculation, but is substantial and can make all the difference."
These choices do not just affect me. Others may pay the price and carry the burden. Once Pandora's Box is opened, it does not close.
Shantal would say, "All things are calculated risks. The value you place in their impact defines you. Your concern for others makes you a valued companion. Valued companionship shares the burden."
The price could be more than I could bear...
Talli would say, "You always take the shot."
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 31, 2010 4:36:20 GMT -5
It all came flooding back, ripping open old scars that never fully healed.
Something is wrong the link with my sisters is gone, I feel nothing from them. I am disconnected from everyone and everything I have ever known. I am alone. It is quiet, absolute silence. I call out and nothing....I scream out and answered with horrifying silence...I hum to myself to make the silence stop...
I am strapped to a table unable to move. I am connected to machines via cables and tubes. I am surrounded by people in laboratory bio suits, they are preparing to perform some form of experiment on me.
My life is not all despair. There is joy and love. Those set me free from the nightmare. Thanks Talli.
With everything that happened. I finally did share what I know about my past. I feel better. It helps to have friends to help each other on the journey...
I can't help but to remember the song that expressed my feelings of when I thought I had lost my sisters in the past. Not a pleasant memory, but part of who I am..and the song has a solemn beauty...a mix of sadness and hope...
For my dearest sisters...
The Swan Song by Within Temptation
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Dec 31, 2010 17:46:28 GMT -5
Solia and I spent several hours debating how to best make our analysis report. We finally both agreed that keeping consistent with the general consensus that we experienced hallucinations as the best option.
It is ironic, that we as scientists are tasked with discovering and understanding the truth, yet if we pursue truth without boundary, without a moral code, without regard to implication and perverted use...that we end up doing a disservice to all and can lead to our doom.
Solia and I also both believe we did not experience hallucinations at all, rather we were in a time and place where our thoughts and feelings could manipulate reality...perhaps even just a pocket of reality. I am shocked we did not suffer casualties or simply destroy the ship. I suspect the visiting being known as "The Traveler" was instrumental in our safe return. The implications and dangers are far too great to promote reckless re-creation and manipulation attempts. I took additional measures in my report to discredit data. Such as crew registered by the ship as "missing and not on board" I accounted to system malfunction. Data gathered in the rift discredited by system malfunction and crew operators suffering from hallucinations. Even if our visiting Lt Commander thinks of these possibilities in his own report, he will not get validating evidence from us.
Solia asked "How were you able to free yourself and return to our reality?"
"I live in my own little world all the time, so business as usual for me. Let's call it an undocumented feature of insanity." I smirked as I replied.
Solia just gave me her "I am not amused look"
"How about your experience in the rift, Solia? If you care to share, I'd love to listen."
Solia just raised her eyebrow in that, "You cannot be serious look"
"Dauntless pursuit of the implausible, another undocumented feature..." I grinned and winked.
That comment got a grin out of her.
she dreams in digital....
Fiction (Dreams in Digital) by Orgy.
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jan 6, 2011 18:25:20 GMT -5
perchance to dream......certain subjects of project IX-112 display extraordinary connection and processing power... ...one of the subjects displayed remarkable ingenuity in reconnecting with other subjects and boosting a broadcast signal, base will have to be relocated... ...data suggests a hierarchy, subjects 00A series acting as conduits and ensuring command and control of the Borg, even in locations isolated from the Collective...very special care is taken to keep these subjects controlled but unharmed...they are the most dangerous, but also the most valuable... ...re-inserting subjects back into the Collective may not be the best use of such a resource, re-purpose proposal follows: Project IX-112 Prototype Command and Control Cruiser Purpose: To enhance command and control operations fleet wide Designed as a functional command and control vessel that can be further enhanced by neural and cybernetic connections of a subject type 00A acting as the main processor. Schematics in process: fleet command onlineInner Universe by Yoko Kanno Angels and demons were circling above me Swishing through the thorns and galaxies Only the one doesn't know happiness, Who couldn't understand its call… Watch in awe, watch in awe Heavenly glory, heavenly glory Watch in awe, watch in awe Heavenly glory, heavenly glory I am calling, calling now, spirits rise and falling To stay myself longer… Calling, calling, in the depth of longing To stay myself longer… Watch in awe, watch in awe Heavenly glory, heavenly glory Stand alone… Where was life when it had a meaning… Stand alone… Nothing's real anymore and… Endless run… While I'm alive, I can try not to fall while flying To learn how to dream… to love… …Endless run… Calling, calling, for the place of knowing There's more than what can be linked Calling, calling now, never will I look away For what life has left for me Yearning, yearning, for what's left of loving To stay myself longer… Calling, calling now, spirits rise and falling… To stay myself longer… Calling, calling, in the depth of longing… To stay myself longer… Watch in awe, Watch in awe Heavenly glory, Heavenly glory Watch in awe, watch in awe Heavenly glory, Heavenly glory
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jan 7, 2011 19:01:40 GMT -5
Personal message from Talli follows: Xaegirl! I was feeling nostalgic and went over our (well what they filed on YOU) Star Fleet official mission summary for Vega IX. It was a little dry reading, so I edited in some pizazz! Music clip attached for your listening pleasure. U.S.S. Icarus was dispatched with the U.S.S. Brunswick and U.S.S. Grey Star as a small task force to help prepare Vega IX for evacuation prior to the arrival of the main fleet. The task force arrived to discover a Borg presence already in the system and the colony under attack. Commander Hawthorne of the Icarus ordered security details to assist the colonists planet side while the task force engaged the Borg ships. (Talli note: Intel said "no expected Borg presence" wtg guys...We ran headlong into an ambush of bad guys and no cavalry in sight!) we cannot foresee everything... hope for the best, plan for the worst...
Ensign Arnimane was dispatched with the planet side forces to assist in defense and to provide emergency medical care. Security details suffered heavy casualties, civilian causalities light. During the conflict, several senior officers became casualties and Ensign Arnimane assumed command of her ground detail. She oversaw the safe relocation of hundreds of civilians to a more defensible position while waiting for evacuation by the fleet. (Talli note: Rogers and the others bought time for our escape with their lives They held the line! How come that never shows in these reports?!") agreed Talli, these reports never do justice and give the honor to those responsibleThe task force in space around Vega IX found itself quickly outnumbered as the the initial Borg ships were re-enforced with new elements. During the fighting the bridge of the Icarus was boarded and Commander Hawthorne and bridge crew became listed as causalities. (Talli note: I suppose that is one way of putting it. At least they rest in peace. Things are looking pretty grim for the good guys...but *queues the music* "At the darkest hour, her light will shine as a beacon of hope!") oh no...don't got there Talli...please...The Chief Engineer of the Icarus was able to contact the planetary forces and Ensign Arnimane with several others were beamed back to the Icarus and helped re-secure the bridge. (Talli note: Linnea worked some serious mojo to get the ship back in orbit and us back on board. "Re-secure the bridge" does not do the scene justice. It was the most awesome display of brute force, EVER! That Drone had me lifted up by the throat and you rushed over and ripped it's arms off, and then started using the arm as a club!!! Omg Xae, rawr! Your sisters loved that part ) *sigh*Ensign Arnimane assumed command of the Icarus and coordinated the task force to continue to engage the superior Borg forces present in the system until the main fleet arrived. The Icarus and Grey Star suffered heavy damage and heavy casualties, the Brunswick was destroyed and all hands lost. The task force was successful in preventing the Borg from completely overwhelming the colony and Ensign Arnimane was instrumental in the success of the task force. Effective immediately Ensign Arnimane is to receive in grade rank promotion to Lieutenant and remains as acting captain of the Icarus until further notice. following is a list of all the promotions and commendations received: (Talli note: You are the best Xae and my heroine! XOXOXOXO) I love you too Talli
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Post by Cmdr Xaelei Arnimane on Jan 12, 2011 2:23:28 GMT -5
(Now that I covered a bit how Xae started her first assignment in Star Fleet, the Vega IX incident. She was only on board a few weeks and it is was her first ship posting. If I am not mistaken, it was about 1 year for her on the Icarus before being assigned to the Adagio. For those you may not know how the Icarus ended..there is already a story posted on that) daedalusomega.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=shortfictionboard&action=display&thread=1158and once again...more Trooper theme!!!
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